The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/23/09
Thank you for showing us the Hope where there appears to be none. It is a daily struggle for too much of humanity, to survive the hunger and viruses rampant on our soil.
You brought to vivid life the sadness and suffering of so many. Thank God for the nurse and the hope she offered.
Excellent example of hope being born in the midst of misery. Very well done.
05/25/09
I could taste the dust and feel the child's despair. And so the hope at the end was all the more precious. Well done!
05/25/09
Very good. The little girl's emotions are clear and strong in your writing, and now my heart hurts.
05/25/09
You let the MC tell the story through despair as it needs to be told. Powerful.
I felt like Hope was trying to catch her as she ran.
Mona
Very descriptive writing, bring tears to my eyes. I love the hope at the end.
05/26/09
This particular passage

“I know of someone who was late like your sister, and his father was very sad like you.” Nurse struggled between puffs.

Sattanya said nothing.

“But He did not stay late.” Nurse continued.


...made my breath catch in my throat. Achingly beautiful, Pat! This is poetry in prose, a wonderful entry.

Powerful images, beautifully written.

I'm glad she had a change of heart and wanted to listen.

Two thumbs up for this!
Wow, this is amazing Pat! I love the description and the emotions. How sad a piece but promising as He holds us up in this life and when we too have become "late." Wonderful job hon! I felt like I was running behind the little girl and was almost out of breath as I tried to keep up through the brush. God bless ya!
05/27/09
Oh, so tragic and heart-breaking! But what a wise and caring woman Nurse was! Your story is very well-written, and the ending is perfect!
My hat's off to you Pat - this was exquisitely beautiful and told with such compassion that I felt every emotional moment.
I really, really liked this passage, too and agree this writing is poetry in prose.
"She squeezed dolly to her weak chest willing the warmth of her sister to penetrate deep into her heart thinking if she could breathe deep enough her sister would come back – maybe she would see her sister’s chest move."