Shards of glass littered the floor. I stepped gingerly around them to avoid having my soul torn to shreds.
A lot of people wear rose-colored glasses before they marry. When I married on June 23, 1984, I didn’t think I had a pair of those glasses. I was twenty-three and I knew everything there was to know about the man I was marrying, and I knew everything about marriage. Maturity happens at twenty-three, everyone knows that.
Twenty-five years later, I have to admit that I did have on a pair of rose-colored glasses.
Several months after the delightful wedding ceremony and glorious honeymoon, the glasses were trampled beneath the feet of angry words, slammed doors, and threats of suicide. Yes, suicide. To get my way. To say, “Hey listen to me. Don’t you hear me? I want to be heard, please. I want to be loved.”
My husband had the same pair of glasses. His were trodden down by intimidation, disillusionment, and, like me, threats of suicide. Insecurity. To say, “Hey I’m here. Remember me, the man you married? The man you know so well? I want to be heard. I want to be respected.”
I wish we could have taken our rose-colored glasses off before the wedding, before the hardships that came our way. But had we removed them ourselves, would we have wanted to marry? Would we have seen too much and therefore, not been willing to enter into what God had for us? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I’m glad they were removed forcefully after marriage, to bring growth and to open our eyes to what it means to really love and respect each other.
I remember one night in particular when we’d been married about two or three years and had our little girl already. Laying on the floor by our Christmas tree, my beloved husband and I faced each other, saying terrible things to one another as we fought over who knows what…
Evil laughter filled the room.
“Did you hear that?” I asked my husband.
“Satan laughed at us. We need to pray right now.”
We wrapped our arms around each other and began praying; seeking God for forgiveness for our actions and attitudes and asking Him to bless our marriage.
That night was a turning point for us. We realized how much we needed God in our marriage if we were to make it. Did we instantly have a perfect marriage? No, of course not. We still don’t. No marriage is ever perfect, but with God at the center we can make it the best it can be.
Twenty-five years later, we’re no longer wearing the rose-colored glasses. We didn’t want to repair them and slip back into any kind of fantasy. We chose to get to know each other as we were and understand as it says in Scripture that iron sharpens iron and in that, growth takes place as we allow God to be at the center of our marriage.
Scripture reference: Proverbs 27:17
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