The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/21/09
Thank you for telling a story of how anyone can change, and that with true conviction, expecting nothing in return, we can ask for forgiveness. The great part of us asking God for forgiveness....we can expect something in return!!! Eternity with him! I want more to the story.....
05/21/09
I, too, want more of the story. I was drawn into Jim's story from the first line. You've done a great job with point of view, and your last line leaves the reader imagining Alexis's response.

(One small technical detail gave me momentary pause...when Alexis begins her questioning of Jim, I would think that her questions would gradually be more pointed, as her hurt comes through in her voice. Some of that was lost for me on the first read because those sentences end with a period instead of question marks.)

I also like your title, especially in light of that last line. Good job! :-)
The dialogue is very realistic making me feel part of the scene. I like that it was left open for the reader to draw conclusions. Excellent writing.
05/25/09
Such excellent writing! You drew me in and I stayed there. Very good job.
Really great dialogue; very realistic. I would like to know more about these two mcs.
05/25/09
Passion, pain, growth, pride, hope. All come across so well and leave me wondering which one wins out.
Mona
This reads like an excerpt from a longer work; one I'd like to read, in fact. Well-written. Thumbs up.
Definitely worthy of an extension. Connie, you wrote from the male perspective beautifully. I'd love to read more.