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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Good and Bad (05/07/09)

TITLE: Robin Hood Sins
By Gerald Shuler


Okay, so my woman, Susan, (who says she ain’t my woman, but you know how that goes) says I need to get saved. She won’t hitch to an unsaved sinner ‘cause of unequal yolks. Don’t ask me... I think I must have mis-understood somethin’. But anyways, ya know? She’s so fine a woman I’d get saved just so’s she would finally agree that she’s my woman. I told her that. Ya know what she said?

“Billy,” she says, “It just doesn’t work that way. If that was your only reason for getting saved you would just keep living the way you do now. Your life wouldn’t be changed at all. You need to be sorry for the sins you have done and repent because of that sorrow. Do you understand?”

No. I don’t understand where I’m such a big sinner. Ya see, I have a theory. There’s the ten commandments that’s meant to show really bad guys how wrong they are, but that mostly applies to others... not me. Ya see, my theory is that if you’re a good guy, you’re a good guy. Like Robin Hood, robbin’ the rich to give to the poor. ‘Thou shall not steal’ don’t apply to him, right? So why should it apply to me? I mean, let’s face it, I’m a pretty good guy.

Look, I mean, really. Sure, I cheat on taxes... who doesn’t? And I’ve been known to tell a white lie to get a business deal through. That’s what makes me good at my job. But Susan says sin is sin. Ya know? Stealin’ a candy bar is just as bad as stealin’ the Hope diamond accordin’ to her. By my theory, though, if you do enough good deeds that should cancel out all the Robin Hood sins you might have stacked up in your life.

Susan won’t buy it, though. She’s one tough cookie, so I don’t let her know half of what goes on in my life. Otherwise, she’d probably dump me completely. So, to show her I really am a good guy, I agreed to go to church with her last week. I even wrote a big (I mean impressively big) check for her to give in the offerin’ plate. She wasn’t impressed at all. I didn’t get uptight about it, though. I kept my end of the bargain and stayed to listen to the preachin’.

Now, here’s where I’m havin’ some questions. The Preach was talkin’ about how we are all born into sin, like sin was some kind of goo that gets all over us at birth. He said it’s human nature to sin. I wanted to shout hallelujah on that one, but then he followed up by sayin’ somethin’ about how our physical body isn’t what it’s all about since that’s the part that wants to sin all the time. Ping! That pops a question in my mind. If this body ain’t what it’s all about, what is? Preach said in his sermon that a sinner wouldn’t understand that concept. That worried me ‘cause, hey, I didn’t understand.... ya know, like as if I really was a sinner.

He said getting’ saved is more like given birth to a new baby, ‘cept this baby is a spirit baby that wants to grow up not sinning. This spirit baby, when you get saved, only wants to make God happy. Ping, Ping! Another question: Ain’t the good things I do enough to make God happy? Preach said in his sermon that even the smallest of sin will keep you out of heaven ‘cause there ain’t NO sin allowed in there. I looked at Susan, sittin’ so pretty beside me. She would fit in heaven real nice. But, me? I was startin’ to wonder.

Then Preach had an alter call for folks who wanted to make it right with God by acceptin’ Jesus. He said Jesus was the only human to ever live a totally perfect life... not even one little Robin Hood sin. He said that is why Jesus is the only one God was able to accept into heaven... because of no sin. But it went deeper than that. Jesus, somehow, when he died took all the sins of the world with him and dumped them in some sea of forgetfulness. So anyone that tags on to Jesus and changes their sinful ways, can get into heaven because of Him.

Big Ping! Is it time for me to change?

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Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 05/18/09
Great title - AND I love your MC's voice. Great message too, of course.
Mona Purvis05/18/09
Unequal yolks!! Too funny! When I became a Christian, the first church I joined was one where they spoke another language, if you know what I mean. Christian jargon. Made me realize how hard it might be for someone off the street to "get it". So, I became aware of that need.
Your story was terrific.
Catrina Bradley 05/20/09
Your narrator sounds very real and true to life. Great voice! I love the way "Preach" described salvation, and I think your MC did too.
Kimberly Russell05/20/09
I thought this was extremely funny and very well written- I enjoyed reading it!
Betty Castleberry05/20/09
Excellent voice and tone. I Like your use of the word "Ping". This was a fun piece to read.
Patricia Herchenroether05/20/09
This is great, Gerald! Loved the mc and the dialogue. Fun with a message. Well done.