The Official Writing Challenge
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05/15/09
Oh wow! I could feel the tension throughout, and could picture the battle... Almost Narnia like in my head. :) I felt for the man at the end. You portrayed his battle -- physical and spiritual -- well.
Excellent descriptions. This is something I would never have thought of: "Teeth rattled in soldiers’ mouths as their helmets were struck with force."

Creative take on the topic as well.
05/18/09
What Christian hasn't thought about being in a situation where it would be life/death over denying God?
You wrote this with such a battle-tone, thunderous words. Very good descriptions, vivid.
Mona
05/18/09
some excellent battle narrative. Likewise I was reminded of Prince Caspian.
I found the transition a little awkward, particularly with the change in person. Maybe you could have dropped in a line just before the transition about this knight falling in the battle and being left for dead. That would have made for an easier sense of continuity. That said, I enjoyed your dramatic language, especially 'men dropped like rain laced with lead.'
05/19/09
The battle scene was electric! Then when I realized it was a spiritual battle, I was even more excited about the Victor and His orders not to give in. Vivid descriptions - Super writing.
05/20/09
Very good allegory--I'd have liked even more of this. Love the ending.
05/20/09
Yowsas, I was on the edge of my seat, gripped in the battle. Excellent word choices - loved the witnessing trees, the sounds of the battle, the rain laced with lead. The ending was perfect! Made the whole opening picture even better - well, well done.
05/20/09
This reminded me of the Battle of Hastings (being English) but it was the foreign king who prevailed in that war.
Very interesting piece - but some of your spelling is different to ours too.

Colin
05/20/09
Very good writing. Excellent job with the topic. Totally captivating.
05/20/09
Your opening lines set the scene and mood for this wonderful story so perfectly! These words sent a chill down my spine: "Today they would own victory. Today they would own a soul." I had to keep reading!! :)

What a creative, energetic piece!

Excellent! I felt like I was in a theater watching a Big Screen with the sound of battle booming all around. Great detail and a good lesson.
05/21/09
HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 2ND PLACE EC!! I'm not surprised your excellent story won! :)
05/21/09
Congratulations on your EC. I really liked this one.
05/22/09
Rachel,

Masterful job of matching sentence structure and style to the pulse of battle.

You captured the anticipation and feeling of dread when we hear the reveille of battle.

Masterful, indeed.