The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/17/09
This is a fun piece.

You asked for red ink, but I'm having trouble finding much to ink here. The playful banter between the couple is well done.

I like it.
05/18/09
Smooth, clean writing style. Non-contraversial, so no high/low of emotions. Pleasant to read and very true-to-life slice.

Mona
05/18/09
Really good job on your descriptions. Getting a tan almost seems "wrong" nowadays, but I still love being out in it, wrong or not. I enjoyed this piece a lot.
05/18/09
Ditto made me want to run for the seaside. Give me that sun between my tows. Of course I can just step outside and feel the tropical sun beating down on me and our yard is a sandy clay so that almost counts. But we're a long, long way from the surf!
I really liked the tease of romance right at the end. Speaking as a man, I wonder if your male character shouldn't have a bit more 'sauce' with his goose - the beach does tend to have that effect on men.
05/18/09
I enjoyed this even more than if I actually went to the beach. Of course, I am also a "Ghostly white shade seeker". Thanks for the sun.
05/18/09
Fun banter between the couple. Enjoyable read. Nice job!
05/18/09
True to life, and great fun to read. And why does God put opposites together??
05/18/09
This is such a sweet, true-to-life story. (It actually made me think of my little boy, a pale redhead whose ears get red after about two minutes outside...) A well done tale of "opposites attract"!
05/18/09
As someone who burns to a crisp in 20 minutes, I could totally relate. I enjoyed the interaction between these two and their playfulness- nice job.
05/19/09
Very well done. I love the playfulness between the two. You had me smiling throughout.
05/19/09
This was a fun read...very enjoyable. Well done!
05/20/09
I really enjoyed enjoyed this piece with its descriptive word choices and authentic-sounding dialogue! Alas, I can empathize with Tom, as I love the beach, too, but my fair skin burns in minutes! Great writing! :)
05/20/09
Ouch - sun burnt TOES??? Being a shade-lover myself, I must say that I have never experienced that particular pleasure. But you described it nicely - I mean painfully, but nicely. Totally enjoyed the easy, familiar dialogue. And the ending was great!
05/20/09
So, so believable! Great job with the story and the dialogue and the not so subtle innuendo at the end was perfect! Hard not to like those tan lines!
05/20/09
This is a real cutey. I loved the characters and their romantic playfulness. No red ink from me, Catrina.
05/21/09
This is awful err...awfully good. No, I mean rotten err..rotten to have to compete against writers as good as you. You have got your prize early.

Colin











05/22/09
Congratulation on making the big list. What a great little story. Enjoyed it all.
04/04/10
Great title. Neat slice of life story. I wondered about the first paragraph. As a hook “Josh! Honey, your toes.” is a far more compelling start. Dialogue works well and the couple's fun loving relationship is clearly portrayed. :-)