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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Good and Bad (05/07/09)

TITLE: No More Perfect Days
By Kellie Henningsen
05/13/09


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The early morning air gently blew the leaves of the tree I was in, as I relaxed in my favorite spot ready to fully take in the beauty of a new day!

I knew my mother would be upset at me, but this day was just too perfect to not stop and enjoy. The temperatures hovered in the mid 70’s, the sun shone brightly illuminating the beauty of my surroundings, and the animals mulled about their daily tasks. A sense of peace permeated the air as I settled back to enjoy a snack I had brought with me.

As I finished my first mouthful of nuts, I sensed a change slowly creeping over the landscape. Clouds drifted in, animals scattered, and a sort of dread filled the air. I hid against the trunk of the tree and peered out through the thick foliage. A woman was walking by humming a melody unlike any I had ever heard. I wondered at her close proximity to this tree. Usually I was safe here from interruptions and could pass away the hours unseen.

“Pssst!”

The noise startled me so much; I nearly fell off my limb! Who had said that? My heart raced as I saw the woman stop right below my branch.

“Pssst! Over here!”

I realized now that it was not the woman speaking but rather there was someone else sharing this tree with me.

The woman walked slowly towards the voice. She seemed to move with great caution – almost fearfully. I looked on in rapt curiosity.

“Ah, yes? Can I help you?” she asked.

The voice whispered to draw her in closer. “Why do you avoid this tree, my dear? Are you not at all interested in the fruit which it bears? No other tree in this garden produces fruit as sweet as this!”

I was not much of a fruit lover myself, but I had to admit it did have a certain appeal. I drew my attention back to what was going on below me. The woman reached up and clutched a piece of fruit in her hand and yanked it off from the tree. The dew from the morning rained down softly on her as the tree shook from the attack. She held the red delicacy in her hand and looked at it admiringly.

“Go ahead! It’s sooooo good! You won’t regret it!” my neighbor hissed at her.

“No, I can’t,” she finally spluttered dropping the fruit like poison from her hand. “I will die if I eat it!”

“Really?” laughed the voice as he inched out on his limb.

I could see him clearly now and my skin crawled at the sight. He slinked forward with a long lean body carried on top of short stubby legs. He had no beautiful fur to boast of but rather was covered in plate-like layers.

“I know who told you that…and I know why too!”

“Why? I mean, I won’t eat it still but I’ve always wondered why.”

“He doesn’t want you to be like Him!” the creature said with a sneer. “You eat this fruit and you will know it all! You will be able to see the difference between good and evil. You, my dear woman, will be like God!”

“Really?” Eve bent down and slowly picked the fruit up off the ground.

“Really!” The snake said with confidence.

That’s all I saw. Things happened quickly after tbat. Life in the garden was never the same. There were no more perfect days. I often wish I had stuck around a little longer to see what actually happened. But, there’s only so much a squirrel’s heart can take, and I had seen enough to put the fear of God in me … literally!


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Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 05/16/09
You have the perfect "before and after," one that affected ALL mankind! Your beginning really drew me in, I had no idea where your story was going... then I felt like I was a witness to that event that changed the course of our world!
Marilyn Schnepp 05/17/09
"No More Perfect Days" made a Bulls Eye hit on this week's topic. Literally! And the whole world's teeth, stomach, heart and soul still ache from that one bite of forbidden fruit. This story may be fiction - but it's none the less, sadly true. Nice job.
Catrina Bradley 05/20/09
Great title and a very good take on the Garden AND the topic. You had lots of words to spare - I think you could have fleshed it out a little more, but that's my only critique. (Maybe I just wanted more of this good story to read.) I like the casual tone of the conversation and the unique POV. Nice!