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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Good and Bad (05/07/09)

TITLE: Downfall to Grace
By Bryan Ridenour
05/12/09


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A light appeared in formless void,
A masterpiece of God's own breath.
Hope springs to life and all is good,
'Til man rebels and enters death.

A garden spot pre-planned by God,
A place for mankind's birth from dust.
Plenteous garden, bountiful delight,
One tree denied, to obey a must.

Harmonic peace, mankind and creature,
Evening walks with Holy God.
The Milky Way and constellations,
Pathways where the angels trod.

No weeds to pluck or thorns to prune,
No fear of dark or fevered brow.
A test put forth from God's creation,
A choice to make is proffered now.

The serpent's guile, man's tempting snare,
The fruit enticing wanton eyes.
Taste forbidden, truth forgotten,
Paradise lost, a swallowed lie.

Homeless now, despairing couple,
The naked truth they now must face.
The garden's glory bleak and faded,
All hope is lost, No! 'Tis God's grace.

A sacrificial skin to cover,
Innocent blood for mankind's sin.
A picture of Christ's blood atoning,
Paradise found once again.


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This article has been read 729 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mona Purvis05/16/09
'Evening walks with Holy God'
So, perfect.
Very well-written and tells the story without a wasted syllable.
Mona
Linda Wright05/16/09
Very well done!
Mona Purvis05/18/09
Bryan, I'd already commented, but I wanted to say that this is so different from "your style of writing" that I have come to enjoy so much. But, you've done such a wonderful job with this piece!

Mona
Gregory Kane05/18/09
This is good. I wasn't too sure about the very last verse as you moved away from what was immediate and visible. Also I suspect you were trying to weave in an allusion to Milton, again something that the mind has to jump to rather than simply reading as seen. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Personally I'm absolutely awful when it comes to writing poetry. I can manage the creative language but the rhythm trips me up after the first line. I think I'll stick to leprechauns in future...
Sharon Kane05/18/09
The understatements of the poem bring out the contrast of perfection and disaster very movingly
Yvonne Blake 05/20/09
Well done! I especially like this line:
"Pathways where the angels trod."
Beautiful thoughts!
Betty Castleberry05/20/09
You definitely have the heart of a poet. The words are lovely, and lilting. What a creative way to portray the downfall of man. Two thumbs up.
Jan Ackerson 05/20/09
Excellent--I really like your poetic syntax.

My only suggestion would be to change "appeared" to "appears" in the first line, as more consistent with the tense in the rest of the poem.

This is a grown-up, sophisticated poem, which I REALLY appreciate.
Melanie Kerr 05/20/09
I thought your imagery was superb. The poem had grersat flow.

Taste forbidden, truth forgotten,
Paradise lost, a swallowed lie.

My favourite lines!
Colin Swann05/20/09
Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift.

Colin
Catrina Bradley 05/20/09
I like the "feel" of this - calm, and a bit sad. The meter isn't perfect, but your poem still reads smoothly, and the tale it tells is undeniably awesome and spot-on topic.
Patricia Herchenroether05/20/09
Ooh, so good. My favorite part,
The serpent's guile, man's tempting snare,
The fruit enticing wanton eyes.
Taste forbidden, truth forgotten,
Paradise lost, a swallowed lie.
Just great-Bryan, you should write more poetry!
Genia Gilbert05/21/09
Congrats on your HC! Very deserving. I really like the style, the message, and excellent writing!
Kimberly Michalski05/21/09
Nice work! Congrats!