Welcome to LIFE, a state of flux. This month as we celebrate Mother’s Day, I scuffle through the occasion, as I have for years, with roller coaster emotions. Marriage was good, a time for growing up, becoming organized, enjoying your own home, joint nurturing between husband and wife, and realizing what love really costs. Motherhood usually follows marriage, a scary event yet pregnant with high hopes and unfolding joys. It’s hard to comprehend a baby growing within you, so tiny its first “hello” greeting is your morning nausea. Birthing babies presents a wake-up finality to those long nine months of “aching back” syndrome and tiny feet prancing on the inner walls of your ever growing tummy. For me, pregnancy was a good time! I loved it, rejoiced in it, and to this day, stand in awe of it. I was young, and life was good.
Four children, eight years later, life lost its goodness somewhere along the way. A war started, Daddy went off to Viet Nam, Mommy managed the children and household, and the children missed Daddy. Twelve months later Daddy came home…a stranger, a monster. Coping with Daddy’s phantom flashbacks and violent outbursts was too much for Mommy, who feared for her life. So Mommy and Daddy went their own ways and the children grew up with several step-mothers. The family unit dissolved, was broken and severed for all eternity. I was older, and life was no longer good.
Over the ensuing years, attempts were pursued to reconnect with my children. The weight of their father’s dominance and threat tactics shot down most of their desires to reunite with me. As the years quickly passed, any hope of reconciliation diminished. This is the bad side of life.
However, life is a state of flux, so bad isn’t here to stay. There is always hope, tiny wisps of encouragement, a phone call from my oldest son, a card from my oldest daughter. And life is good again…that’s LIFE.
A Mother’s Day poem to my oldest daughter:
My dear lil' girl, where have all the years gone
Since that day long ago when you were born?
You were such a sweet, tiny little thing,
My first baby girl...what joys I'm rememb'ring!
Your pink little fingers and cute little toes...
And thick brown hair...ah, the memory knows!
Your dark eyes so pretty and, oh, what a smile!
Life shouldn't have parted us after such a short while.
You're all grown now and so pretty and smart.
I'm so proud of you and deep down in my heart,
My precious little girl you'll always and forever be;
A mother's heart never, ever stops loving, you see!
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