The Official Writing Challenge
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The puns in your title and ending were priceless. A very well written and cute story. I enjoyed it very much.
05/08/09
I need to read this one to my boys! A good cautionary tale, light-hearted and with an element of suspense: what IS Freddy and who are the fliers? Well done.
Fun and creative. Well done.
05/12/09
Love the title and the foolish flies as well as smart Freddy. Good tale.
Mona
05/13/09
I agree with my wife that this is a great children's story. It's spoiled slightly by a few typos here and there - probably the result of incomplete editing. For example you have "They were to ones who", writing 'to' instead of 'the' and elsewhere you have "opened and as he raised" where you need either the 'and' or the 'as' but not both.
That said, I enjoyed the tease and I thought the corny last line was great
I love play-on-words, so I was completely taken with your charming, humorous tale.
A cute story, indeed. I would liked to have known who/what Freddy was from the opening paragraph so I could better identify with his plight. And, I was thinking, too the story from the fly's POV would have been fun, too. But, over all a very good story with a great moral.
05/13/09
You must have chuckled all the time you were writing this fun story. What a hoot! The puns made is ever so much fun.
Ha Ha! You wanted to "PUNish" us, didn't you?

This was a fun read that made me smile.

Thumbs up.
05/13/09
A very interesting and entertaining read. Once the reader knows the flies can talk, it's a giveaway Freddy is not a human and is probably a frog. I like the way you conveyed the story through the insect's POV and the military setting.
First of all, I absolutely love the title. Second, this was fun fun fun, and it makes me glad that you were able to enter the challenge again, Lynne. The ending was perfect!
05/14/09
“Hey, come on back flyboy.” Freddy croaked. “Come and play catch with me.”

I laughed out loud when I read this! This is hilarious. Talk about in and out--the ultimate in, eh?