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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: In and Out (04/30/09)

TITLE: Elevator
By T. F. Chezum
05/06/09


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Sublevel one:

Dr. Johnson entered the elevator and selected the tenth floor.

“Hold the door.” Dr. Metcalf’s voice echoed. He scrambled in. “Thanks.” He pressed twelve.

The car stopped at the lobby. Dr. Ebstein sipped his coffee as he stepped in. “Are we still on for Friday’s tee time, Bill?” He pushed his button.

“Absolutely,” Dr. Johnson responded. “Penny bought me that new putter.”

Dr. Ebstein chortled. “Willing to wager lobster at Kirkland’s?”

“You’re on, Ben.”

Dr. Metcalf remained silent.

The door opened and Dr. Ebstein stepped out.

“If I have to buy that man another dinner my wife will kill me.” Dr. Johnson laughed. “Are you new around here?”

“I’m Jack … Jack Metcalf.”

Bill shook the younger doctor’s hand. “You’re the one working with the distinguished Dr. Feinberg now.” The car stopped at the tenth floor. “Tell Rob I said hi.” He disembarked.

Dr. Metcalf adjusted his tie and exited on the twelfth floor.





Sublevel five:

Melody tucked her cell phone into her purse and stepped into the elevator. She hummed as she selected her destination.

The doors opened on sublevel three. Jimmy bolted into the car with a shriek.

Melody flinched.

Jan and Susan followed the young child. “Dr. Ebstein comes highly recommended.” Susan pressed the proper button.

Jimmy bounced and screeched as the elevator moved.

“Now stop that.” Susan grabbed the youngster’s arms.

“He’s just nervous, Mom,” Jan said.

“He’s cute.” Melody smiled. “How old is he?”

“Three,” Jan replied. “He’ll be four in …”

“This is our floor.” Susan interrupted.

The group walked onto the fifth floor.

“Wow,” Melody said after the doors closed. She resumed her humming until she stepped out on the tenth floor.





Sublevel five:

Jennifer pushed the button for the twelfth floor and leaned against the wall. She mumbled a prayer as she stared at the panel.

The car stopped in the lobby. Johnnie pulled a dolly with several boxes into the elevator. He reached over and made his selection.

The door opened to the third floor. The man whistled as he pushed the packages out.

Jennifer stood in silence until she reached her destination. She took a deep breath and stepped out.





Tenth Floor:

Melody stepped into the car. “I’m finally pregnant,” she squealed with delight. She chose her floor.

The doors opened. The deliveryman pulled his empty dolly inside. “Such a wonderful day.”

The young lady beamed. “Yes it is … I’m pregnant.”

“For reals?” The man’s face lit up. He pulled a lollipop from his shirt pocket. “Sorry it ain’t much … but you just made my day a little brighter.”

Melody grabbed the sucker and smiled.

The door opened into the lobby. “Hope you have a blessed day.” He stepped out.

The car descended into the parking structure and the door opened. Melody twirled the candy in her hand and exited.





Twelfth floor:

Jennifer clutched a tissue as she stepped through the door. “What am I gon’a do?” Her trembling hand selected her sublevel. “Lord, please.” She dabbed her eyes. “It can’t be cancer.”

The car stopped at the fifth floor.

“This is outrageous.” Susan stormed in and selected her floor.

Jan held her son’s hand. “You’re not making this any easier.”

Jimmy bounced as the elevator descended.

“My grandchild is not autistic,” Susan huffed. “Something like this could ruin our lives.”

“Mom … please.”

Jennifer turned away.

“We’ll find a specialist.” She grabbed the child’s hand as the door opened. They walked into the parking area.

The elevator continued to the lower levels.

Jennifer sobbed. “I don’t want to die.” She dried her eyes again and stepped out.





Twelfth floor:

Dr. Metcalf entered the car. He paused as he loosened his tie, then pushed the button.

The elevator stopped on the tenth floor; Dr. Johnson stepped in. “How was your day … Jack, isn’t it?”

“Long day,” Dr. Metcalf replied. “Do you ever get used to it? Giving people bad news.”

Dr. Johnson shook his head. “No … Not really.”

“How do you cope with it?”

The older doctor removed his tie. “I pray a lot.”

“Praying?” Dr. Metcalf gave an inquisitive glance. “Does that make you feel better?”

“Not always.” He pulled a card from his pocket. “But I find strength in God, and that helps me in many ways.” He handed the card to Jack. “If you ever want to talk … about anything, give me a call.”

Dr. Metcalf took the card. “Thanks.”

The two stepped out onto the parking level.


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This article has been read 581 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/07/09
An interesting setting and way to tackle this topic. You had my complete attention all the way through and I was glad I got the chance to read this piece. Wonderful!
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/09/09
This was a creative take on the topic and contained an excellent message.
Shelley Ledfors 05/11/09
A great and creative take on the topic. I loved all the different perspectives, from the doctors to the various patients then back to the doctors again. Very nice!
Kristen Hester05/11/09
Very creative. There were so many names to keep track of, I found myself sitting up straight and reading carefully. The story made me want to do that so that I wouldn't miss anything. Good job!
Mona Purvis05/11/09
I read this one to hubby the other day. He kept stoping me, asking who? What?
It is a realistic picture of elevator activity, made me think of elevators in hospitals where Bill has been a patient. Same thing, in and out of such a mixture of emotions and stories.
Enjoyed it.
Mona
Rachel Rudd05/12/09
I agree with Kristen! I had to sit up and pay attention so I could follow along. The first section, though, was quite confusing and it was hard to figure out who was who! Otherwise, I really liked the way you approached this topic. "If only the elevator had eyes...." oh, wait I guess that's what video cameras are for. :)
Betty Castleberry05/12/09
Creative take on the topic. I like the little glimpses into different people's lives that you gave us.

Somehow, I think I will remember this the next time I get on an elevator.
Carol Slider 05/12/09
A very complex story with a lot going on! There was certainly a lot to keep track of along the way, but I thought you wrapped it up and tied it all together very well at the end. Good job!
Bryan Ridenour05/12/09
Wonderfully creative take on the topic. I liked the snapshots of life, and the reminder at the end how God gets us through it all. Well done.
Loren T. Lowery05/12/09
This is simply brilliant - a linear, vertical look at the episodes of life, in and out of an elevator. You handled everything with restrained care, snippets of everyday life, casually observed.
Carole Robishaw 05/12/09
This was a very different take on the subject, and done very well. Little windows into so many lives.
Yvonne Blake 05/12/09
Very creative! I got a little lost with all the different names (a little description would have helped me).
Well done.
Lollie Hofer 05/12/09
I enjoyed reading this original story. A day in the life of an elevator. How do you come up with these imaginative stories? Well done with a great message at the end.
Karlene Jacobsen 05/12/09
Definitely have to pay attention with this one. Sitting in the hospital with my husband now and experience those. The man bringing food tohis children, the woman going going to visit grandma, the man who is a first time daddy...

Nice job.
Laurie Haag05/12/09
Highly creative. It sort of reminded me of that cell phone commercial where you get little pieces of different conversations. Great use of dialogue and just enough detail.
Patricia Herchenroether05/12/09
Great story packed into a small space! Tim's right(on).
Janice Fitzpatrick05/13/09
This piece moves along as qwuickly as the people enter and exit the elevator. Great job! Nicely written. Enough little brief views of the characters and I like the ending. Have a blessed day!!
Mona Purvis05/13/09
When I read this a few days ago, I thought it was alot like the British Comedy, "Are You Being Served". Ever see it?
But, this portrays very well how people pop in and out of our lives...each with his own situation.
Mona
Dee Yoder 05/13/09
I love this! I have been in many of these character's shoes myself and spent many a ride in an elevator car at a hospital. Tears, laughter, anger, fear...all were my companions on the ride at one time or another. This fits the topic perfectly. You nailed it with this one.
Kimberly Russell05/13/09
Nice job. As previously stated, I kept going back to make sure I kept up with everyone. Sounds like a novel-in-waiting.
Lyn Churchyard05/13/09
Reading this, I felt as though I was sitting, unobserved, in the corner of the elevator watching life with all its joys and sorrows.
Beth LaBuff 05/13/09
Wow!... Perfect for the topic! If walls, or elevators could talk...