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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Passport (07/25/05)

TITLE: Tierra del Dios
By Bill Shurkey
07/31/05


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"Hey Mac, where do you think you're going? Come here! You can't just come barging onto this ferry like you own the place."

"Are you Goodman?"

"Yes. I. M. Goodman. My friends just call me Manny."

"Well, Mr. Goodman. I'm Jack Styx and I'm the pilot on this old barge." He grabbed a clipboard off the hook and scanned down the sheet. "Looks like you're my only passenger this trip. Passport?"

"I don't have a passport." Manny shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

"Sorry, but you need a passport to gain entry. That's their rules not mine."

"Whose rules?"

Jack Styx pointed across the darkened water. "The Light Ones. Tierra del Dios is their island. The Land of God. They're very strict over there who they let in."

"But I have to get in. My whole family's already there. They're expecting me."

"Look, Mr. Goodman. I'll tell you what I'll do. It's against the rules but I'll ferry you across without the passport and you can appeal to their mercy. Maybe they'll make an exception and let you in."

"Thank you, Mr. Styx. Thank you very much."

"Do you want me to put your satchel in the hold?"

"I'd rather hold on to my bag, if you don't mind. It's got all my important stuff in it. My silver and gold coin collection, the family's birth certificates, my two college degrees-"

"If the Light Ones let you on the island you're not allowed to bring anything with you. That stuff's useless over there."

Manny clutched the satchel tighter. " These things are my life."

Jack Styx guffawed. "But you're dead now, Mr. Goodman. You're dead."

The two hour trip passed swiftly. Manny didn't want it to end. Every minute the ferry pushed forward the scenery became more beautiful. The darkness glowed with a luminescence that appeared to come from the island. The indigo sky shimmered with hundreds of stars that looked like crystal ornaments on a Christmas tree. Beautiful plants sprang up out of the water on either side of the ferry as it passed by. The scent was of the finest frankincense and myrrh.

Now only a few hundred feet from the landing dock, Manny saw the main entrance to Tierra del Dios. The ornate gate seemed carved from a single pearl. Its soft glow bathed the shrubs and fruit trees growing on either side. Stretching away to left and right was an insurmountable wall that was swallowed up by the lingering darkness in both directions.

The ferry screeched along the dock and hit the bank with a gentle thump. "The end of the line, Mr. Goodman." Jack wrapped a rope around the pilings and helped Manny off the ferry. "The best of luck to you." Jack reversed the engines and the ferry chugged slowly away from shore.

Manny banged on the gate. "Please open up," he shouted.

"Is that you, Mr. Goodman? We heard you were coming."

"Yes, it's me."

"I'm sorry but I have to deny you entrance. You're not on the list. You have no passport. If you'll go back to the dock and wait another ferry will be along shortly. Captain's name is Buck Charon. He'll take you downstream to Isla de los Muertos."

"What is that place?"

"It's the Land of the Dead. I'm afraid there are no other options. You are dead with no chance of ever living again."

"No! I won't go. My family's here."

"Manny is that you?"

"Lizzy? Make them let me in."

"I'm sorry, honey. I can't."

"Where are the kids?"

"We're here, Dad."

"Steve? Ellie?"

"We love you, Dad."

A charred, battered ferry clunked and rattled into the dock. The burly pilot spat over the side. "Let's go, Goodman. I don't have all night."

Manny clung to the gate and cried out to his wife and children again. Charon sprung onto the dock and hurried to the gate. He grabbed Manny by the back of the shirt, dragged him to the ferry and threw him over the side.

"My family. That's my family," he sobbed. "Why can't I stay with my family?"

Charon kicked him in the ribs. "Quit yer yapping. You had your chance same as the rest of us."

The ferry slithered away from land and headed downstream into the murky water. Soon the wailing from behind the wall was swallowed up by the wailing of those imprisoned on the Island of the Dead.


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This article has been read 903 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karen Jimmy08/01/05
Wow! I loved this- very creative! And as student of history I really appreciate the subtle connections with ancient Greek myth! Well done!
Beth Muehlhausen08/02/05
Very nicely done! Really enjoyed the tension of the unfolding events - especially hearing the voices of the wife and kids but being unable to stay. An effective way to portray the passage to...forever.
Nina Phillips08/02/05
Whew! I'm glad this was fiction! Nicely written eeerie tale.
littlelight
Karen Ward08/03/05
Great tale of Eternity, so many people just keep thinking they have more time and will get more chances, God gives us many chances, but as you have illustrated, even God has limits...
Crista Darr08/04/05
I loved this! Fantastic dialogue.
Joanne Malley08/04/05
Ooooh...this left me with the creepy chills! Good job and very creative way to get an important message across.
Amy Michelle Wiley 08/05/05
I especially liked the line: "The ornate gate seemed carved from a single pearl." Good job.
Maxx .08/05/05
Nicely written piece... good drama at the gate. My only question: "Soon the wailing from behind the wall..." does this imply the family was wailing because dad didn't make it in? Maybe I misread it.
Karri Compton08/05/05
One word: WOW.
Well, maybe another: terrifying.
Nicely done - great piece you have here.
Shari Armstrong 08/05/05
Very well written -clever take on it.
Sandra Petersen 08/07/05
I especially liked the description of the approach to Tierra del Dios. Beautiful! I agree, the references to myth are inspired!
Val Clark08/08/05
Great work, Bill. Very visual, and well connected to the emotions of your character. Yeggy
Deborah Porter 08/08/05
Bill, I can't tell you how delighted I was to see your entry in the Challenge in the first place - but then to see it do so well was even better! Congratulations on a very well deserved win. Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Carol Sanford08/09/05
A powerful piece. I am impressed with your work and your bio! Thanks, too, for your words of encouragement to me.
Hope Horner08/11/05
Wow, powerful story. Thank goodness that Jesus is our way to heaven. If it were up to our doing, we'd all end up taking a permanent vacation to La Isla de Los Muertos.
Jan Warrick08/12/05
Bill, Great story! Your descriptions are very vivid. Captivating piece. Keep writing, I love your style.
Amy Michelle Wiley 02/20/06
Hello, I was wondering if you could PM me (you can do that even though you don't subscribe) and give me an email address to contact you. Thank you!!