The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/01/09
This article is very well written. I enjoyed reading it.
05/03/09
Great job with characterization and dialogue!
05/04/09
You did well to work so much story into the word limit. Just one thought--if you limit your use of "ing" words, (pressing, ripping turning...) it will generally make the story stronger. You have some really good characterizations and dialog.
05/04/09
I loved the line, “She's crusty on the outside, as folks say, but pudding in the middle. You'll see.” Great characterizations;I was fearful for Jolene, and I wanted to shoot (at) Nash myself! Well done...
I loved this! I'm a sucker for stories with romance and with a tough-seeming, pudding-hearted woman in them. You came across superbly on both of those.
Strong and powerful message that was well written on a difficult reality of life indeed. Good use of topic.
This is bold writing. I don't like Nash, but I like the hint of romance at the end of the story. Nicely done.
Great job with this. I felt like had you had more words that you could have really expanded on this story and added more of the romance to it. You did a great job packing a lot into 750 words though. I'm glad that Nash didn't win this battle. :)
I liked the story although felt a bit rushed in the reading.

The following paragraph:
He stood, leaning against the wall and threw her marked newspaper on the barn floor. “Here's something else you forgot.” He held up the engagement ring. “Time to come home, Baby.” His words felt oily and suffocating. “Never again! You're a hard-hearted, hateful man, Nash!”
He laughed. Swaggering towards her—“Come on, Baby ...you know you're soft enough for the both of us.”

It seems there is dialogue between two people, yet I'm not sure. Perhaps a separation between the speakers would help eliminate any possible confusion.

This was a tough subject to stuff into 750 words. I'd wager there's a good deal more to the story.

Nice work.
05/07/09
Thanks for the feedback everybody!

You're absolutely right, Karls! Good going! ;)

Still lots to learn. :)