The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/03/09
Great ending - love that he puts it in God's hands.

May just be me, but the rhythm of the poem felt too "up" for the subject matter. I was expecting this to be more lighthearted because of the meter.

Very nice descriptions.
05/07/09
Author's Note to Self:
#12th in Top 40 List.
05/08/09
You did a really great job here. Almost an EC!

I wish you would hint over on the message board Marilyn. (Usually on Mons and Weds) Then more people could enjoy your writing.

You give such great feedback to other people...you deserve some, too. :)
05/08/09
One picky point: this stanza doesn't follow the same rhyme pattern as the rest of your poem, so it kind of throws the reader off:
"Alright," said the attorney, "I'll call you Jim.
And you know why we're here, Jim, to tell the truth,
We must know what happened that fateful night
Between your father Jake, and your mother Ruth..
Other than that, this was a good entry. Congrats on your placement.