Breathe. Too painful! Breathe. The pain. Breathe. Must breathe! Pain. Breathe. Try to lift rib cage. Breathe. How long? Breathe. Lift. Breathe. It’s hard!
After two abdominal surgeries in two days. the bleeding continued. Could I survive a third surgery?
Breathe. No room! Breathe. When will it end? Keep breathing.
It was supposed to be a simple operation. More bleeding and now an infection.
So hard. Breathe. Tiring. Breathe. To sleep, blessed sleep! Breathe!
The doctor said “heart failure”? Keep breathing!
Some relief. Fluid levels falling. Diaphragm moving back to its normal position, having been pushed up into the chest. Breathing easier.
Still hurts but thank you Lord. How long has it been – hours, days? Breathing not as hard.
After three days of a Jell-O diet followed by two surgeries then four days of “half an ounce of ice chips per hour”, I was able to have a clear liquid diet, progressing to more substantial food later.
26 Apr 09, just days after being discharged, sitting in church listening to the pastor, the Holy Spirit softly and gently brought to mind the suffering our dear Saviour endured on the cross. Beaten, weak, mocked, unjustly condemned, placed on a cross. Pushing Himself up by His nail pierced feet to able to breathe. The pain He must have felt!
Hot, soft tears flowed. It was a message I’ve heard many times. This was not what the preacher was teaching on, but what the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. I began to sense a connection between my experience and what I knew of Jesus’. I worshiped Him deep within, reflecting on the gift I’d received - a small glimpse of what the Saviour suffered for me! I understood mine was but a faint part of His suffering and I was humbled that He thought me worthy of such a blessing. How could He love me so?
I was thankful that at no time during my experience I ever questioned God or felt He wasn’t with me. Tears came again when I heard in my spirit, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani!” (My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?) as Jesus cried when all my sins were placed on Him and God turned His Face away from His Beloved Son.
I love Him so!
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