The Official Writing Challenge
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This would be a great "Guy Noir" detective story vignette on the radio show "Prairie Home Companion". Better submit it!
Loved it! Could see both of them and the messy desk in my mind's eye.
Very nice. I could just picture the characters in this story. Good application to the topic, too.
You set the scene well in this piece. I felt like I was watching a film. So, what happens next? :-)
I really enjoyed this story! Very captivating! Your characterization is so good! I could clearly visualize the whole scene right down to the outfits the characters were wearing and the manual Remington that must have been sitting on the detective's desk.

Nice work! Good writing!
I feel like I'm watching a cinematic black and white scene in a classic film noir. I like your style of writing. It draws the reader right into the imagery.
I really enjoyed this detective/mystery story. It was very captivating to read. Good job.
Sam Spade and Marlowe indeed - you set the scene, dialogue and descriptions perfectly and with the bit of humor thrown in (she must be a lousy cook : ) : ) )
propelled this piece over the top. Great job, thoroughly enjoyed it!
Very good dialog and I enjoyed the pace of this. I had a different picture in my mind. I saw a scene from Roger Rabbit. ;)