The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
04/30/09
I enjoyed your story. I loved the line about the bowling pins in an open league.Very clever. I also appreciated the way your story ended. You allowed the reader to decide how the story ends. Good Job!
04/30/09
This certainly addresses the topic. My heart went out to Bill. There are a lot of "Bills" in our world. Just as in your story, we should never give up trying to reach out to them. Loved it.
04/30/09
Beautiful. I'm glad that there was a reasolution.
04/30/09
A memorable character and a realistic story. Good work.
04/30/09
I liked your graceful ending, too. The story came full circle with the sharing of the pie, and I felt Mr. Harper would once again join his small circle of friends. nicely done.
05/04/09
Well done. Great writing!

I also like the line "As soon as that door had opened, those kids scattered like bowling pins during open league."

I like the names you chose as well. Very fitting.:)
05/04/09
Perfectly bittersweet. Wonderful ending; touching, but yet, not a big happy bow.
Loved the details like the slamming screen door, the banging gate, and the squeeking third step...they helped to make this a very vivid piece. Very well done!
05/04/09
Excellent portrayal of emotion. A typo: "he" is capitalized in the third sentence.
05/04/09
I was really drawn in to this piece. A wonderful depiction of heartbreak and, eventually, hope. Well done!
05/05/09
Beautifully written!
I remember when my grandmother died. My grandfather was completely devastated much like this man. I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose your mate after being together for so many years.

I agree that the ending works. I sometimes like to be able to imagine what happens next, and I'm guessing that Bill made a new friend.

Thanks for sharing. :)