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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hard and Soft (04/23/09)

TITLE: Creation in G Major
By Ruth Neilson
04/27/09


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Tenderly, he drew a rosined bow over the metal strings. Teasingly, the instrument responded with its sultry voice. Make me sing. It begged. He paused, tilting his head, cradling the wood tighter against his cheek.

The instrument began to sing softly, responding to his coaxing touches. Yes, use me to create life. Softly, gently, he created a new world lost within the new song. It soothed his spirit and he closed his eyes, loosing himself in the new world.

His finger landed wrong and the note went sharp, skewing the direction of the music. He sensed it, and began to move the bow harder over the strings. Death, war, chaosóit ruined his newly formed world. Hot tears flowed down his cheeks, landing on the instrument.

We made life, now, let us destroy it together. Harder, drive me harder, it whispered, and he obeyed the music; pushing it harder, further, and harsher until the notes collided into each other.

Chaotic noise filled the room.

And then there was silence. His arm hung limply at his side, the instrument still cradled between shoulder and chin. Was there more than this to life, too ease a soft melody of life out of nothing, only to destroy it with a hard note?

No! This couldn't be it. There had to be redemption provided.

He lifted the bow again and gently placed it on the strings. His fingers shook as a minor melody filled the room. A haunting song, filled with longing for a rescue. There was a variation occurred hidden deep within the layers of the music, a promise?

Yes, a promise of redemption!

Gradually, the bowing became harder, bolder as once again the melody changed, the inflection now its predominate theme. The notes soared now, triumphant in the story's victory. There was hope once again. Suddenly, he was released from the musicís grip.

Weakly, He released the instrument from its resting spot. He opened his eyes and grimaced. Unfortunately, the hope hadnít translated into the real world, but it lived in him pounding like a drum, waiting to be released once again.


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This article has been read 466 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sonya Leigh05/02/09
I like the dialogue between the violin and its player. Sometimes I'm sure there must be a type of commingling between an instrument and its master. love this line, "A haunting song, filled with longing for a rescue."
Emily Gibson05/04/09
This is a unique take on the topic, using the technique of the musician to illustrate the hard/soft theme, but taking it the next step. I really like your redemption message in this context, so that even the hardest/harshest sounds resolve into the soft comfort of redemption. Very thought provoking and meaningful.
Kimberly Russell05/04/09
Being a musician (not of this caliber, of course), I could understand the frustration of this composer-kind of the same way when I write. Really enjoyed the interaction between the two of them as creativity is often alive, breathing, and like a conversation. You did very well with "show" vs "tell" Great job.
Mona Purvis05/04/09
A world without redemption...where would I be? Very deep piece.
Mona
Karlene Jacobsen 05/04/09
I kept thinking of our Creator as I read this piece. Creation, man's fall, the flood, and on until Jesus going to the cross, and the triumph of conquering death and the grave as He paid the price for my sin.

Beautiful!
Jan Ackerson 05/04/09
Gorgeous allegory! I suspect that "G major" is "God Major", yes? Loved it, and I can just imagine the music in the background, too.
Shelley Ledfors 05/04/09
This is beautiful. It has so many layers of meaning. Excellent!
Seema Bagai 05/04/09
Creative piece with some beautiful images.

Red ink: A couple of typos (losing and to, not too). Also there are a few awkward sentence constructions that I thought did not fit in with the rhythm of the piece. One example: "There was a variation occurred hidden deep within the layers of the music, a promise?" I'll be glad to PM you with more if you like.
Patricia Turner05/04/09
So many things I like about this story. I assume the instrument was possibly a cello and I like the symbolism of the bow and instrument forming a cross. Beautiful writing in every way.
Eliza Evans 05/06/09
Make me sing. It begged.
That's a lovely image.

A lot of strong feelings and conflict conveyed here. Great atmosphere.

Well done.
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/06/09
You show an excellent analogy in this beautifully written piece.
Beckie Stewart05/06/09
Very unique approach. Like it.
Chely Roach05/06/09
Gorgeous...
Loved it!