The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 753 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/23/09
An all-too real scenario. Good work.
04/24/09
A very life-like scenario. Nicely written. Well done.
04/28/09
My heart really goes out to those who are bullied, so I thank you for writing this piece.

I have ambivalent feelings about the ending--the bit with the knife was so powerful that it made my heart beat faster, so the pastor and the police almost felt like a cop-out. But on the other hand, the hopeful ending is the "right" one.

Powerful story that just begs to be expanded.
04/28/09
What a powerful, gripping entry. Well done!
04/29/09
Yes, this IS a powerful and well-written story! It got my blood boiling--I just can't stand bullies.

I have to say that, while my heart likes the ending, I tend to agree with Jan that it seems this kind of scenario usually doesn't end, this soon, this way. But saying that, I think there is only so many word numbers available, and you just about had to choose whether you wanted to project a sad, happy, or cliff-hanger ending. If you get the chance to expand this, go ahead and send the MC down all those dark alleys the hints of before he reaches the happy ending that we all like so much! This would be a powerful read for teens.
04/29/09
Sorry--I left out the words "this story" hints to. LOL.
04/29/09
The emotions of your MC were very real, and I liked the wisdom revealed by the mother in her solution to the problem in this well written story.
04/29/09
I liked your beginning and ending of a marriage story very much. It was a nice touch to have the son protect his mom from being chilled as her husband had done.
04/29/09
I'm glad that the mother came just in time with a solution. This definitely shows the torture some have to endure with bullies. Thanks for sharing this. It was well done.
04/29/09
I could really feel the tension at the end, and I'm glad that there was some sort of resolution... though, of course, it would take time to solve a bullying problem this entrenched at the school. Very intense and vividly described story... well done.
04/29/09
Your title is so perfect for this excellently written story! Your word choices are wonderful, and you do a great job of showcasing the all-too-prevalent problem of bullying.
04/29/09
As a "recovering bullied kid", I wish my own situation had had such a happy ending. I really liked the fact that the parent did not discount what the child was going through. You did a great job.
04/29/09
I can see this as a teen book. I like the ending in that it suggests to me, a postponement of what this teen sees as inevitable, probably. After all, the visit to the principle only escalated the problem, what would a cop do?

See? This can't be the end.
04/29/09
The scenario in this story is very real and the MC's voice is very authentic. I could feel the pain and the fear that he was feeling as I read this. The ending was cool. I like how it started to go one way and then went a different direction. Good job! I enjoyed reading this!
07/14/09
You were so kind to leave me a comment on my recent entry in the Writing Challenge. I want to reciprocate. The title of this story drew me in. Although I'm not real good at titles yet, I do believe they are the substance of what causes a person to want to open the piece and read it. This was the case with this title. But as important as the title is, the subperb writing kept me here, devouring each and every word. I see you are where I hope to be some day. I love the imagery you use to keep this reader's interest. I write, but I learn more by reading. Thank you for sharing this story with one who has truly appreciated it. Blessings, Laura
07/14/09
I had one more thought as I closed my comments to you. This story is so power-packed that with all the bullying that happens in our schools today, you may very well have a book in the making. Something to think about. Laura