The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/26/09
Oh, did this grumbling sound authentic! I had a couple giggles for sure. Love the toilet paper thing too.

I saw some grammar and punctuation errors, but nothing too bad.

Nice job.
04/27/09
I love this, I relate to this, Yea!
Been there, done it, and had a nap afterwards! So funny, but so real.
05/03/09
A lovely cantakerous main character - all too easy to identify with him.
Let me hit you with one suggestion: the story builds up towards the meeting with the doctor but in the event it's passed over in a couple of sentences, then almost tumbling into this poignant comment about the toilet roll. My inclination would have been to skip the doctor scene entirely and expand the scene in the car, giving yourself the space for a bit more punch in your conclusion.