The Official Writing Challenge
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04/24/09
So visual, and so sad. Sobering statistics, and you brought them to life.
04/24/09
This is a really good piece. The one suggestion I might have is to break up the length of your sentences a bit more. That would make the actual action of reading easier. As Joanne said, a sobering story that we need to hear.
You brought a truly sad too-common situation vividly alive in your story.
04/28/09
Well-written and heartbreaking.
04/28/09
I didn't realize that they were so many who face this. I can only imagine the agony that they face. I agree with the others that the long sentences made it difficult to read. I think that the last paragraph was really poignant and well-written. May God bless you where you are!
I couldn't have done better myself. I can tell your emotions are wrapped up in this piece, and I am glad for it. I could feel the agony of the sisters' decision, and pleased with God's. Thankful He took it out of the mom's hands.
04/29/09
This is a vivid and beautiful story, heartbreaking in its reality. I'm so glad the baby was saved!
I would agree with the readers that visually this looks a bit daunting to read and needs to be broken up in smaller, cascading paragraphs congruent with your thoughts. Writings in this format appear text book material and I found myself rushing through the material.
However, after sensing what I was actually reading, I slowed down to take in the emotive power of some of your words and what they were conveying. There is no doubt you have talent and can tell a good story - it's evident here. So, my only critique is more of appearance than it is literary.
Excellent writing-though very sad. I've read quite a few of your pieces and see that you are truly gifted. Well written and great presentation of statistics woven in an unforgettable story, with a native flair. I felt as if I was in the room too witnessing such a tragedy that happens all too many times. But praise the Lord for a new bundle of hope that emerged on this day. :0)