The Official Writing Challenge
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04/23/09
I want to read more. There is a novel in here.
I enjoyed the pace of the story. I agree that this could be an interesting longer work.
04/23/09
Why did you stop?!?!?

Seriously - that's a GREAT cliffhanger! Now I'm TOTALLY ready to read more!
Intriguing...Nice surprise...Left me wanting to read more. Nicely done!
It is just as well I can't get my hands on you right now, otherwise I would have to kill you.

How could you leave us hanging like that? Oh, I want more! This was great. I thought I knew who wrote this going by the title... now I'm not so sure.

You have to continue this; it is begging for a much longer story.
04/26/09
Okay, let me be the odd one out and say that I didn't like the cliffhanger. Granted, it could be very effective in terms of a longer piece or a series, but within a one-off short story it left me as a reader feeling dissatisfied with the ending. I know that I'm meant to include something positive in what is a mildly negative comment, but I reckon you've had plenty of positive strokes thus far. Keep on writing exciting fiction!
04/26/09
You had me hooked right from the beginning! Fast paced, humorous (laughed out loud at the "allergic" comments), full of intrigue and mystery. Well done! :D (I'm starting to recognize people's writing styles and "think" I know who wrote this...can't wait to find out for sure.)
04/27/09
I already left some comments but want to answer a question you asked when you gave your "hints." I personally don't have a problem with cliffhangers. Take it as a compliment when people are left wanting for more. Here's an idea...when people are left wanting more then develop it further on one of the writing threads and make it available for them to read. I like your unique writing style because you're always thinking beyond the norm (that's a compliment, by the way). If in the development of your story, it leads to a cliffhanger, than allow it to be so. You are an incredible young man with a wonderful gift from God. (And I did guess right...I figured you were the author of this story.)
04/28/09
Excellent suspense--I like the fact that you injected humor--not typical for this genre.

Since you asked, I think this would be better suited for a longer form. Nevertheless, it's still VERY good.
I was just really getting into it, then...

This is great!
04/28/09
This is vintage Josh! I liked the cliffhanger, and it was almost expected being "Episode One". For obvious reasons, ongoing pieces work better outside the challenge, but I think debuting the first part of a series is a great way to draw in readers for the long haul. Well done!
Oh, I like that twist! As always, your piece kept me reading. Waaaay good.
You've done it again! Your writing is always unique, creative, enjoyable...I could go on and on! Oh, and I like the ending.
04/29/09
The ending was quite surprising... if not shocking! I think I was probably the only one who was a little confused by it. Isn't Alpha the person directing her? Is he then instigating an assassination of... himself? Obviously, I don't read espionage very often! But you certainly intrigued me, and I would like to read more!
This leaves many unanswered questions, answers to which I would be more than willing to read further to get. So, as a suspense, cliff-hanger you did a good job; and for intrigue please keep writing...
04/29/09
Excellent! My kind of read.
04/29/09
Most people who know you had you pegged as the author from just reading the title. You are, and I've said it before, a rare talent.
04/29/09
Brilliant and funny. Clever. LOVE it. To be inside your head for one day...it's funny enough living in mine! :D
Wow! I'm drawn in! I'll buy the trilogy. :D Great writing, Josh.