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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hot and Cold (04/09/09)

TITLE: You Need This Soup! You Can't Live Without This AMAZING Soup!
By Joshua Janoski


Tired of the same old “straight and narrow” meal?

Looking for something exciting to sink your teeth into that will tantalize your taste buds?

Well look no further, because I have the product just for you! Introducing the all new…

Damien’s Lukewarm Soup!

It’s the perfect soup for all of you “fence riders” out there. It’s not too hot, and it’s not too cold. In fact, it’s smack dab in the middle. Not sure which direction that you want to turn? Not sure which “side” you want to take? Well, if that is you, then you need this soup! Just listen to some of the testimonials from our satisfied customers…

“I was tired of being ‘on fire.’ There were too many rules, and I wanted to be free from laws and be able to do my own thing. One taste of Damien’s Lukewarm Soup, and I felt relieved. I was now free to experience ‘both sides’ that life had to offer.” – Sharon from Abilene, Texas

“This soup is the best purchase that I have ever made! After eating just one can, I felt invigorated. Now I am able to look good to my church family as well as my buddies at the local bar. I get the best of both worlds! This soup changed my life!” – Don from Sacramento, California

I guarantee you folks that after just one can of this soup, you will quickly drop that pesky conscience, and you will be able to live an amazing life that appears perfect to everyone around you regardless of what skeletons you have in your closet.

How much would you pay for total freedom like this? $39.95? NO! $29.95? GET OUTTA HERE! If you call within the next ten minutes, you can buy a can of Damien’s Lukewarm Soup for the low, low price of $19.95!

Have a friend that also wants to straddle the fence with you? Well, I might be crazy, but if you call right now, I’ll also throw in two additional bonus cans for you and two of your friends! That’s right! THREE cans of Damien’s Lukewarm Soup for the insanely low price of $19.95! You can’t beat this deal with a ten foot pitchfork, folks! So pick up the phone and dial the number on your screen right now!


Quantities are limited, so order today!

Disclaimer: Product may not work for everyone. Some may experience a conviction and feel the need to repent and completely turn their life over to Christ. Others may experience side effects such as the feeling of being “spewed” out of the mouth of God. If these side effects occur, eat another can of soup and quit feeling guilty. You are entitled to live your life the way you want to live it, right? If you are pregnant or nursing, we don’t care. We want your business anyway, and we will do whatever it takes to get you to eat our soup. All sales are final and subject to the terms and conditions of Abyss Inc.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 738 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Robyn Burke04/16/09
Oh this is SO clever! Very good writing ~ message with a punch. Loved it!
Shirley McClay 04/16/09
HAHA! Totally hilarious! I loved this. I am going to show it to my pastor.
Leah Nichols 04/16/09
I love it!

You totally captured the flavor (pun intended) of an infomercial.

And made a point with ease. Nicely done!
Laury Hubrich 04/18/09
Oh boy. What a tongue-in-cheek entry;) Very different;) Very good!!!
Rachel Rudd 04/18/09
This one is right on the money! Well done!
Ruth Ann Moore04/20/09
Very tongue in cheek infomercial, with a sobering truth tucked in. Very creative and fun to read.
Jan Ackerson 04/20/09
Hilarious! I wish I could write something so clever at the spur of the moment! I can just imagine how excellent this would be if you'd worked on it for more time!
Mona Purvis04/20/09
Josh, I read this early on and waited to comment since I also enter this level. The name capured my attention. My husband and I died laughing all the way through this one, getting up often to warm up our lukewarm coffee. Just brilliant! On topic, engaging, funny and yet a lesson for all.
You are a very creative writer.
Diana Dart 04/20/09
Fantastic - utterly fantastic. Quick, sly and witty with a great message. Dare I compare it to Screwtape Letters??? Loved it, loved it, loved it.
Gerald Shuler 04/20/09
Josh, you sure know how to use 15 minutes! I loved the wit in this piece. Take another 15 minutes next week and get us another masterpiece.
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/20/09
What made it so much fun was how real it sounded. Loved it!
Lyn Churchyard04/20/09
Fifteen minutes? Josh, you should do it more often :-)

Yep, this one definitely had the "Janoski Jocularity". You do such a good job with humour, but this one packed a punch as well. Good job my friend.
Sonya Leigh04/20/09
Oh my goodness, Josh! I laughed so much...unbelievable. This was a great story and to think you wrote it in such a short time...well, it's just not fair, dude!

I tell you, if you had had 20 minutes instead of 15, you would have caught the eetsy beetsy mistake of "sinking your teeth into" soup (which, of course, you can't do :)

To people who can write stuff like this in 15 minutes, I say, "GET OUTTA HERE!"

Loren T. Lowery04/22/09
After that sale's pitch, how can I refuse? I want to buy some, but when I called that number it was disconnected. Can you imagine? What's going on - is it all sold out. Darn, I knew I should have acted quicker. Please let me know when you get back in stock.
Good work, Josh. Now you know you can always start a second job in Advertising and Sales!
Lollie Hofer04/22/09
Extremely creative and entertaining, with a great message thrown in. It only took you 15 minutes? This would have taken me two weeks of blood, sweat and tears to write. You do have a gift!
Beckie Stewart04/22/09
Loved this approach to this topic. Good job.
Sharlyn Guthrie04/22/09
A little facetious, are we? This is a very unique way to present this message, but it comes through loud and clear, with humor, besides.
Sonya Leigh04/24/09
Agh! The dreaded sixth spot! So good, though, Josh! Looking forward to meeting you (and your lovely fiance?)at the conference.
Glynis Becker04/25/09
Absolutely fantastic, Josh! So clever and well-written...I love it!
Holly Westefeld05/08/09
Equally onorous to not having much time to write lately is not having much time to read either. I'm enjoying catching up with one of my favorite humorists, who can manage to weave in a keenly cautionary tale amongst an overt satire of info-mercials.
Seema Bagai 05/11/09
Another humor-filled piece. Josh, stick to writing funny pieces. It's your gift. :-)