The Official Writing Challenge
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04/19/09
You have described well an emptiness that all too many feel, and I suspect that is partly why no one is commenting. If this is true for you or someone you know, perhaps the "he" in this story needs to read this entry...he may be numb as well. After this read--perhaps a film, FIREPROOF. Blessings to you.
This poignant prayer for God's help is beautifully written. I kept thinking as I read it that God answers prayers that are in His will, and He makes it clear in His Word of the sanctity of marriage, as well as how a husband and wife are to treat each other in love.
04/19/09
Poignant, with a very real feel. Great job with the topic.
04/19/09
What did he do to her over and over? Why was he self-destructive?? Ooh, this good. Well written - telling us enough, but not airing the nasty laundry. And it her lament sounds so natural and real! -- the 2nd paragraph sounds a little to real. Very nice!
Nice job! I am sure many can relate to the feelings and emotions expressed here. You communicate the MC's feelings well. It does work as a prayer. I would also havee liked to see a little more "showing." Put the couple in a situation where we see the feelings she's talking about. Just a suggestion. Good!
04/19/09
How terribly, terribly sad. I hope that the MC will continue to pray, and will also seek guidance from a counselor (perhaps a minister or trusted Christian friend). I know this is well-written, because it made me really want to help this woman. Well done.
04/19/09
I agree that this is a very compelling read.

I would love to know what it was that he kept doing, because somehow it would validate her strong emotions (at least, in my mind).

I just love how her faith kicks in at this desperate moment. Thanks be to God that we have Him to turn to. Good job.
I could feel your MC's despair and emptiness as I read this.
Nice job with the topic.
04/20/09
You did a fantastic job of portraying a marriage gone cold. I also needed to 'see' what he was doing to her to cause the downward slide. I think you could have tightened the prayer and freed up some word allowance to show us more of what the problem was.
My favourite line was the bit about being a jerk. What a great addition to the wedding vows!!
04/20/09
I also found myself looking for what he did that was so bad. Leaving it a mystery though probably lets the reader add their own experiences to the story. I really felt connected to the mc.
This is well written showing the inner struggles and depth a hurting heart crying out for God and the hope only He can give in the difficulties of life. Thanks for writing this. I so understood many parts of this in regards to my relationship with my mother though.
04/22/09
This relating to each other after the children are gone is a hard struggle but you allude to much more than that here. Many will relate to this, that I am sure of.