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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Up and Down (04/02/09)

TITLE: Waddle Walking
By Yvonne Blake
04/08/09


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“Ummmph!” I plop down on the couch, holding my hand on the rounded form of my belly. A stirring runs up my side into my ribs. “Oooph! Stop that, you're kicking my ribs!” I give my belly a gentle slap.

Counting on my fingers, twice, I figure I'm only eight days overdue--only a week past the day I should be thin and beautiful again. I am tired of wearing these same clothes that barely fit. I am hungry all the time, especially for olives and caramel lattés. Plus, certain smells like Harold's socks and garlic sausages make my stomach turn inside out.

RING...RING...RING...RING...

“I'm coming!” I push behind me with one hand and grab the arm of the couch with the other and stand up. Well, my knees and hips are moving up, but the rest of me is sagging a bit. “Ooomph!”

RING...RING....

“Hello?...puff, puff... Hello?”

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“Oh, rats, I missed them. I wonder who called?”

Since I'm up, I might as well do something. I press on my lower back and waddle into the kitchen. Before washing up the breakfast dishes, I think I'll have a snack. Looking in the frig, I spy some leftover pizza. Mmmm...perfect! I pop a couple grapes in my mouth and grab some cheese.

MEOW, MEOW

“Are you hungry, too?”

Sigh...the dish is on the floor! Spreading my feet apart and hanging onto the table I lean over, like a giraffe getting a drink, and plop a spoonful of catfood into her bowl—of course, holding my breath against the smell. While I am upside down, I notice a quarter near the frig. I waddle closer and pick it up. Oh, it's an Alaska one! Looking around, I wonder if there is anything else down there I can do. I notice my legs were getting hairy, but that would have to wait.

Feeling like a bloated Barbie doll, I straighten my back. Catching my reflection in the hall mirror, I wince. I definitely don't look like any Barbie doll-- more like one of those chubby Cupie dolls, especially with this pink maternity t-shirt that doesn't quite meet the top of my elastic pants. I pull it down, stretching the words “BABY ON BOARD” into a curve. It springs back up, showing my bulging belly button. I stick out my tongue at myself.

TOOT, TOOT

The mailman must have a package that doesn't fit in the box. I open the door and wave. There are only four steps off the porch, but when I can't see my feet, I feel like I am descending down into the Grand Canyon with my eyes closed. I grasp the railing and waggle my foot around until it sits firmly on each step. The mailman smiles as I approach.

“Good morning, Mrs. Sawyer. I see you haven't had your baby yet. Have a great day!”

"Of course, I haven't had it yet!" I grumble to the cloud of dust. Do I usually look like I swallowed a basketball?

As I turn back toward the house, a twinge wraps itself around my middle like a python. I hold my breath and grab the mailbox for support with both hands. Is this it? Is the baby coming today? Finally, the pressure subsides and I feel like jumping for joy--well, at least on the inside. I don't want to slip and fall on my... patooka!

Scattered at my feet are the envelopes and package. With a sigh, I assume the giraffe position again, but looking more like an elephant walking on my hands and feet all the way to the porch steps. “Unnnph!” Another python squeeze holds me in its grip. At this rate, it will take a hour to get inside to call Harold.

“Honey? It's time! Yes! Yes! Come as soon as you can. I'll get dressed and be waiting for you.”

I check my suitcase; baby clothes, thank you cards, chap stick, clean underwear, toiletries... I hear Harold's car pull in the driveway. After another tight contraction, I meet him with a smile.

“Are you sure it's time?” He leans down with a kiss.

“Yes, let's go.”

“Darling? I think you better look down at your feet.”

Easy for him to say! Grabbing his shoulder for support, I lift up one foot. Fuzzy slippers are comfy and nice, and probably excusable in this situation, but I suppose it would be better if they matched.


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This article has been read 764 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Janice Fitzpatrick04/09/09
Cute piece! I like the humor. I know moms can relate to this all too well. Grin! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has put on two different pairs of slippers. Actually, I've even graced two different pairs of shoes but that's another story. Grin.
Lynda Schultz 04/09/09
Good stuff! This sounds like the voice of experience.
Laury Hubrich 04/09/09
I remember these days and am SO VERY GLAD they are behind me! I love the giraffe stance. So funny:)
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/09/09
"Been there, done that!" Your voice is just perfect in this delightful piece.
Betty Castleberry04/09/09
Your MC's voice is casual, fun, and just perfect for this piece. Both thumbs up.

I think I know the author. Can't wait to see if I'm right.
Beth LaBuff 04/09/09
This was so much fun (and very clever). I enjoyed all the animal comparisons (elephant, giraffe, and python) :)
Loren T. Lowery04/09/09
You made each scene so easy to see and understand; and yes, I agree, the mis-matched fuzzy slipper are most definitely excusable in this situation.
Connie Dixon04/10/09
This is hilarious, and I loved the sound effects. Finding a state quarter was a nice random surprise, too! Very fun entry, loved it.
Jan Ackerson 04/12/09
Lots of fun sensations here, and I grinned all the way through it.
Glynis Becker 04/12/09
You hit the nail on the head with all the descriptions of pregnancy. Fantastic piece, I can see why it was fun to write :)
Kathleen Morris04/12/09
You are sooo funny! I love this. This is my heart. I have experienced it 3 times. My most favorite word choice is, 'patooka' ...lovely! Great writing!
Karlene Jacobsen 04/12/09
Ohhhh I remember those days...
This was fun to read, remembering and laughing at the references to the giraffe and such. Simply hilarious.
Chely Roach04/12/09
This was a blast to read, and so very truthful. Loved it from title to finish!
Sheri Gordon04/13/09
Love the title, and the fun piece. This is my favorite part--"only a week past the day I should be thin and beautiful again." Boy is she in for a surprise. :)
Carol Slider 04/13/09
Excellent descriptive writing and great humor! It certainly does bring back memories! Well done.
Bryan Ridenour04/13/09
It looks like I'm the only guy responding so far, but we have had four kids, so I've seen this in my wife. I laughed out loud at your reference to the giraffe! Good Job!!!
Mona Purvis04/13/09
Loved the waddle walking title. Forgot the challenge of up and down when overdue. Great voice!
mona
Myrna Noyes04/14/09
Your title caught my eye, and I enjoyed the entire story! I loved your giraffe, Barbie, and Cupie doll comparisons! Nice descriptive piece with a cute ending! :)
Ruth Ann Moore04/15/09
Excellent job capturing the final days of a pregnancy. I loved the fuzzy slippers and the running commentary from the MC. At least she will be "up" one family member and "down" 25 pounds. Fun read.
Carole Robishaw 04/15/09
Ahh yes, been there, done that! I could very easily see it, and remember when I was going thru it. Even though it was 40 years ago, it's not something you EVER forget. Well done!
Beckie Stewart04/15/09
Love the mismatched slippers at the end! Great story of a late pregnant mom and the realities of those hormones. Great job.
LauraLee Shaw04/16/09
Wayyyy witty. Creative, clever. Just love it!