The Official Writing Challenge
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This story left me with a warm, girly feeling myself. Excellent story telling.
03/23/09
Very nice job with the dialogue. Enjoyed this sweet piece.
03/24/09
What a wonderful girly witness. I love being a princess in God's kingdom too! :)
03/24/09
I loved the vivid descriptions. It reminded me so much of pleasant summer days with my best friend when I was a little girl. A great illustration of the miracle of salvation, too!
03/24/09
Oh, I loved this! Plain Jane is the real beauty! Your writing is so descriptive that I was there with them in the grass. Like a wild rabbit...loved that.
Build a book around this one, a picture book...I'd buy it.
Mona
03/24/09
This would be a great read for jr. high and high school girls...love it!
Loved the descriptions. It's really wonderful to be reminded of our position in the Kingdom of God.
03/24/09
This could make a really cute illustrated book.

Okay, you asked for red ink. :) The second paragraph confused me. I don't know why, but I had to read it a few times to understand who was putting flowers on who...and I still don't know if I got it right. Also, I can't get a grasp on the girls' ages. They seemed very young--playing princess--but the dialogue felt much older.

Love the message, and the writing and dialogue flow so well.
I loved your descriptions, comparing the girl's eyes to the sky, wow! You made this piece vivid in the imagination with your imagery.
03/24/09
This has some well written conversation. That's a great thing for a writer to be able to do well. Good storytelling.
03/25/09
Very sweet, yet serious. Loved the way Heather communicated the gospel to her friend, loving and sincere. I was a bit confused about the crown thing, thought maybe someone else was there crowning them. Took me until you explained they were laying in the grass to figure it out. You have a wonderful way of describing appearances (the hair descriptions were just picture perfect).
03/25/09
I really liked the description of the hair/mirror. You combine so many wonderful things in this story.. a fairy-tale-type story with a princess.. wonderful sensory details in your setting.. and you crowned this with an excellent gospel message. This is so very good.