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Application for Crowd Event: Thy Kingdom Come
Name of Organizer: Father God, Creator of Heaven and Earth
Residence: Heaven
Telephone: 1-888-PRAYNOW
Date: To be arranged
Location: Earth
Number in Attendance: minimum 144,000 but I hope too numerous to count
Duration: Eternity
I, Government Clerk 29-1-B, have reviewed your application.
Until confirmation of the following, your permit is denied.
All correlated permits and action plans in triplicate
Amplified music: muted trumpets, no peals of thunder
Aerial stunts: FAA standards for flying chariots and angel pilots
Crowd control: traffic, parking, restrooms, security
Location impact: BYOPB (bring-your-own-palm-branch) recycling
Health regulations: first-aid kits and emergency medical services
Fire control: no brimstone, fires in designated locations
Notarized signatures of
Director of Public Safety
Fire Chief
Animal Control Officer
Planning and Development Director
Manager
Public Works Director
Home Owners Association President
Parks Director
Adherence to all rules and regulations to include but not limited to
No demonstrations (defined: a gathering of two or more persons
for purposes of attention to proclaim or protest a position or organization)
No parades (defined: a march, ceremony or procession of any kind
on streets, walkways, grounds or places)
No picket lines (defined: a collection of one or more persons
formed to make a position known)
Granting of permit not authorize other violations, such as
Animals unharmed during event
Gender-neutral language
Tolerance for all religions
Posted exit signs
Modification to grounds: Pruning to HOA standards
Payment of requisite fees
Signed waiver of liability
Withdrawal of intent to include activities of following nature
Thunder and lightning
Hailstorms and earthquakes
Plagues of any sort
Use of swords, symbolic or otherwise
Lake of fire
Strange beasts of unknown origin
Falling stars
Change in geography, e.g., mountains and seas
NOTE: Evidence of any such action will result in immediate
revocation of permit
cessation of event
dispersal of all persons
To appeal this decision or re-apply for consideration
Respond in writing
In seven days
And minimum six months before intended event.
Allow three months for processing.
Status on Permit for Thy Kingdom Come: DENIED
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