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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Kingdom of God (03/12/09)

TITLE: Hello
By dub W
03/18/09


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“Hello, Kingdom of God, this is Martha, how many I direct you call?”

“Uh, like I think I misdialed.”

“Oh, no silly, we hear that every day, you just got through the right way this time.”

“Got through?”

“Well, technically, you miss dialed or what we say around here is miss prayed.”

“Uh, like, what?”

“You see, all of those Sunday mornings spent at the Church of the Trout, were just dialing the wrong number. The ‘oh, God, I got a big one,' is not a prayer.” There was a pause. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Oh, good. I just found a note here about your worship at the cathedral of dimpled ball.” There was a fumbling sound. “I am afraid I don’t know how to direct your call for that one, but I think the ‘dear Lord a birdie,’ doesn’t count either.”

“Uh, I really need to talk to God.”

“Yes, you certainly do. He has missed you. Yessiree, He has waited years for you to call.”

“Okay, I know. But, I’m really in some need here.”

“Hmm, I don’t doubt that.”

“Well, what do I have to do to earn a chance?”

“Nothing.”

“Say again.”

“I said, there isn’t anything you can do to earn the Kingdom of God.”

“Well, I at least want him to know the problems I have caused, and that I am begging for forgiveness.”

“He knows.”

“I have dishonored my baptism.”

“He knows.”

“I want to turn away from my life of sin, and be a part of the Kingdom.”

“He knows.”

“Okay, you say he knows, but what do I have to do?”

“Nothing. Grace is free. You can’t earn it.”

“Really.”

“Yeah, really. Say, what about all your friends at the church of the wide mouthed bass?”

“Uh, I guess I should give up fishing.”

“Nope, didn’t say that. Be a fisher of men. Let others know of God’s Grace.”

“Okay.”

“Fish in the stream of God’s love. “

“I think I am beginning to understand.”

“Great, God is very happy to hear it.”

“Does that mean I get to talk to him?”

“Oh, you are talking to him in everything you say and do. Let others know his love in the way you live and work. The Kingdom of God is right there for you. Your repentance lets God know that you are knowledgeable of His Grace.”

“Wow, cool.”

“Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Yeah. Thanks for filling me in.”

“I’m glad you called. But, now I want to ask you more about the cathedral of the dimpled ball…”


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This article has been read 537 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 03/21/09
Very clever idea!

All-dialogue pieces are sometimes improved by occasional breaks in the talking for a bit of action or description.

I love the creativty you showed here.
Christina Banks 03/24/09
What a fun phone conversation with a great message. I love the "cathedral of the dimpled ball" :)
Bryan Ridenour03/24/09
Creative. Like the differing references to ways people "claim" to worship. Nice job!
Sheri Gordon03/24/09
Very funny. Loved the Church of the Trout, and cathedral of dimpled ball. Had me laughing out loud.

I would usually agree with Jan's comment about breaking up dialogue, but I think what you did worked. The "feel" of the piece was a very quick back-and-forth conversation, and I think words other than the dialogue would have broken that pace.

Very creative. Excellent job with the topic.
Karlene Jacobsen 03/24/09
I agree about the title. I love the pace of this dialogue, could be done as a skit...?
Carole Robishaw 03/24/09
I agree, it could use a new title, but other than that, LOVED it!!! Very funny.
Kellie Henningsen03/24/09
I enjoyed this -- especially the repetition of the line "He knows." It's a great line and to have it repeated is such a reminder of that fact. Nothing is hidden from Him. I liked the fast pace to this as well.
Gerald Shuler 03/24/09
I agree that the conversation carried the wit beautifully. With no action I was still able to see him fishing and playing golf. In the beginning I could almost see him looking around to see if he could spot a hidden camera. I also feel that the title is great (yea, I know what has been said) because, hey, how else are you going to start a telephone conversation?
Chely Roach03/24/09
This was so witty and enjoyable to read. Perfect balance of humor and serious. A very creative concept for the topic, and you executed it wonderfully.
Jeffrey Snell03/25/09
I couldn't help but feel a sly grin form on my face while reading this. Very clever idea!
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/26/09
One of your best!