The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/19/09
I love this and I love the title! This line: "... but if a hero king was necessary to break those chains..." particularly spoke to me - great story.
This story kept my attention as I had to know what happened. I like how you brought it around to focus on the price that was paid for the ticket. Great story!
03/21/09
Lovely allegory!

FYI--'Enormity' means 'great evil'. You wanted 'enormousness' or some other word indicating size.

I enjoyed this very much.
03/25/09
This reminds me of one of my all time favorite songs,
"People get ready, there's a train a comin'
You don't need no baggage, you just get on board
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin'
Don't need no ticket, you just thank the Lord"


This was a very creative approach to the subject, and totally captured the apprehension of the MC. Well done!
03/25/09
Really nice allegory, and very entertaining to read. You did a very good job with the topic.
Entertaining and captivating. Nicely done!
I love this allegory! Everything about it, from the ticket to the wrestling of emotions to the apprehension of entering, and the assurance of the price being paid, spoke clearly of all we do and all that Christ did.
I really like allegory, and this one was done quite well. My prayer is that more people will redeem their tickets before it's too late.