The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 2236 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This story grabbed me & pulled me right on thru. Well told. It is one that could be passed on to someone who's had an abortion & regretted it & repented of it later. I think it would be comforting.
This definitely pulled me in and kept me there. I enjoyed the ease of the dialogue and the reference to "Father" instead of "the Father" making it all so much more personal.
03/21/09
This is beautiful....
Very and beautiful. You had my attention right from the start until the finish.
Excellent piece of writing.
03/24/09
What a wonderful story about the love of our Father for the innocence that die needlessly for someone else's choice. Thank you!
03/24/09
Beautifully written!
This is such a beautifully told story. Your characters became real to me as did their surroundings. You held my attention to the end and I feel rewarded for having read this.
03/24/09
I love the interaction between the two. She is pulling him around, showing him the ropes, full of delight.
The question of 'what is it like to be held' made me stop and think a bit. We never get too old for that, do we?
Loved this POV.
Mona
03/24/09
Great writing. You didn't give it away until the end, causing me to want to read more. I liked this a lot.
03/24/09
Powerful storytelling. This is a good one for church newsletters to publish.

The only minor (VERY minor) red ink I could offer would be that I knew from the title that this was going to be an abortion story. You built it up so well in the story itself that I actually regret that the "Ah ha" moment was in the title.

Like I said, very minor observation about a great entry.
03/24/09
Very good dialogue between the two main characters--it flowed naturally.

The title, combined with the little girl's name, gives away the story "punch" too soon.

Love the POV, and you did an excellent job with the topic.

03/24/09
This is a poignantly beautiful pro-life story. Well done!
Oh my, what an incredible piece. This somewhat reminds me of Frank Peretti's "Tilley". So touching and beautiful. I love that Father God takes those children directly into His own arms when they are cast off. Thank you.
03/24/09
A tender and touching story. I liked the interaction between the two characters. I'm glad too that you portrayed the difference between the mothers. Many women having abortions feel they have no other choice. By giving voice to that sense of feeling pressured you managed to write this in a way that is not condemnatory. Nicely done.
03/24/09
This was very emotional and tender...I loved the atmosphere and the dialogue. I love that you stepped out to broach this subject...well done.
03/25/09
Wonderful! I wish more people would think about what their "choice" means.
03/25/09
This is an incredible reminder of what abortion really is. Excellent storytelling.
03/25/09
Quite touching. I really enjoyed the perspective of the children and the "far away kingdom." A very creative work painted around a familiar (but no less important) message. Nice job!
I really enjoyed this story- it grabbed me from the start and held my attention. One observation I would make is that I found the names of the main characters distracting because I am unfamiliar with them and weren't sure how they were pronounced....probably because I couldn't wait for the outcome of the story. Wonderful job!
03/26/09
YAY!!!

Huge Congratulations my friend!!!

Way to write!
Ah! What a beautiful story! Loved every minute of it. Congratulations!
03/26/09
Congratulations on your EC. Very good entry.
03/26/09
The following paragraph was my favorite part of this beautifully written story. Congrats on your EC win.

Abimael noticed one sitting to the right of the great light, whose welcoming smile encouraged Abimael to run faster. He released Zibiah's hand, rushed to waiting arms and jumped into His embrace. The Father's Son swung him round and round, both laughing with delight.
Even though I knew the direction this was heading from the beginning, you spun this tender story beautifully, and brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations!
03/26/09
Beautifully written! Congratulations on the win! I really liked the line "I remembered being held."
03/27/09
I don't know whether to cry with sorrow or smile with joy. A very creative idea, and a wonderfully written story. Congratulations on your EC - I DID smile when I saw your name on the list. :)
Cat
03/27/09
It was so GOOD!! I couldn't stop reading it. You could get alot of money from your stories. It made me cry at the end.
Ingenious! Very unique!! Its a great piece. Well done! Congratulations!! Keep it up!!!
03/30/09
I love this, Bryan!!!! You're so good! Congrats!
04/11/09
Congratulations! I appreciate that you've written so beautifully about a topic that I believe is very much the heart of God.
04/13/09
Your article portrays very well the absurdity and tragedy of a situation that should not exist. What should be the safest place in the world is now the most dangerous, a mother's womb.
Thanks for commenting on my pro-life article too. I am hugely concerned that as scientific advances are made, genetic screening of unborn children will result in even more abortions.
Can I also suggest that you list this article under the 'free reprint' section, that way you can get the 'word out there.'