The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/21/09
I liked your introduction to the story. It would be neat to have seen more connection wit his job and then with his decision to follow into the kingdom. It was more like a devotional in the middle. I like what you said about following the first 15 verses of John 3. God Bless!
I liked your three step plan and the way you brought it into your story. Well done.
03/24/09
I like the way that you introduced God's 3-step plan into your story. I found it a little hard to follow your story line. It felt a little disjointed to me. Maybe tying his job into the story more would help. I love the little girl's enthusiasm at the end.
03/24/09
I liked the first half of this very much. The second half almost seemed as if it belonged in a different piece of writing.

I'm reading a book right now about things to avoid in writing. The book suggests that one dream per novel is plenty...and then when you're done, go back and take that one out. I tend to agree that dream sequences are somewhat overused--is there another way this man could have had his eyes opened?

The devotional was very good, too...just didn't seem to go with the story.
03/24/09
Your story is right on topic. It was a bit confusing to me. Maybe, because I became interested in the fireman and his reaction to the fire emergency. He did seem to be filled with anger.
The last part is where the story falters. It might be that there was just too much info, subject matter to draw it all together in only 750 words. I would like to see it expanded on.
Mona
OK, I'm gonna tell you what I enjoyed about this story . . .

I thoroughly enjoyed your three-step plan. I'd never heard it put that way before.
and
I also enjoyed how your story reminded me of a song - one of those that get really fast - "Last night I dreamed of heaven fare, walked up the bright and golden stairs. I asked the angel at the gate if there were Pentecostals there. . . " Fun song.

I would have liked to get to know your character better, but was glad he came around to wanting to go to church.
03/24/09
Good, solid teaching mixed with a little bit of story telling. Sounds like Eden has a brand new daddy.
Hmmm... you make one think. I honestly did not make a connection between the job and the rest of the story.
I did enjoy your line of thinking with the 3-step plan. Almost did something like it myself.
03/24/09
Interesting and creative way of including the Gospel.
03/24/09
I'm one of those strange people who actually like to read and hear about dreams. ;) I enjoyed it all - I thought you did a super job on the preaching scene and "dialog", and also the characterization in the first part, mirrored with the his changed character in the 3rd part.