The Official Writing Challenge
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Well written and kept my interest all the way through. Nice writing!
I really enjoyed this story and also your clue!!! Very clever.
03/24/09
Wonderful message. I loved your hint! Your husband might be right about the title. Well done!
03/24/09
Excellent allegory, and I really like your title.

I'll ditto what Lisa said about your dialog tags. In most cases, let the words actually spoken indicate the mood or intent of the speaker, rather than verbs or adverbs in a speech tag. It's another way to "show, not tell".

Very clever writing!
03/24/09
Intriguing story showing
2 Cor 4:7. That is my favorite verse. "But, we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us."

Beautifully written.

Mona
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Your images showed through very well - and I enjoyed your characters too.
03/24/09
Your "showing, not telling" was so well done, I actually saw well know actors doing an award winning performance as I read along. Then the soft clay blew me away... EXCELLENT conclusion.
03/24/09
Very good allegory. I like the way it gets the reader thinking. You did a good job with the personalities of the two characters. Nice writing.
03/24/09
This story really drew me in, right from the beginning. Wonderful ending, too! Good work.
A Work In Progress...
Hidden Splendor...
I don't know, but I also agree with your husband. This is such an inviting piece and flows so well. I liked the narrow gate and how few find it. You fit Jesus' teachings into this limited word count well.
03/24/09
A very creative piece. You really had me hooked wanting to know what she would find. Very clever indeed. I certainly could 'see' this unfolding.
Excellent! You showed, rather than told, very well. Clear up until your MC was addressed as son, I thought it was a woman... nice twist, IMO, because too many times it's women who are portrayed... not sure how to explain what I mean... but, anyway, kudos to you. Your story kept me engaged clear throughout.
03/24/09
Wonderful!!! I love this story! My favorite part was when the red color captured her eye, then her emotions. (Red, like the blood of Christ I just caught that.) I've read this twice, and now I'm going to read it again to see what else I missed. :) Going in my favorites! I love then ending too. So Very GOOD!
03/25/09
This was beyond creative! I loved it. The last line--with the soft clay--was so perfect. Fantastic!