The Official Writing Challenge
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03/12/09
Incredible twist. Well done.
03/12/09
This description is great (saying so much…with few words) , "My father had the kind of mind that developed theories the scientific community mulled over, but that mind was absent when it came to judging Brian." Wow… youR ending caught me totally by surprse... Such wisdom! Your title, in retrospect, is PERFECT!
03/13/09
Such an excellent story, full of humor and adventure and, whammo! some amazing stuff of life in between it all. How did you do that? I was at the edge of my seat...this was a terrific read. Very well done.
03/13/09
It's interesting how the passing of time affects society's views on a subject. Hemingway wrote 70 years ago about big game hunting and his prose was celebrated. Here we have a teenager slaughtering a lion and my immediate reaction is one of 'what a waste!'
Yet I can't fault the writing. It truly is excellent and the twist at the end was wonderfully done. I do have to ask however what that dad was doing letting his kids go off on their own - what if the vehicle had broken down, leaving them vulnerable to predators?!!
03/13/09
Superb writing, truly edge-of-the-seat suspense, and vivid psychological insights...I didn't see any waste, as I'm certain that the lion would be taken back to Diriku's village and every part of it used, much as our native Americans were resourseful with bison. The story isn't the lion, at any rate, it's the lyrically rendered story of the relationships within a family. Excellent!
03/13/09
Wow, so much is packed into this. The way you presented the family dynamics is amazing...without the father even really being in the picture. And the whole tracking/hunting suspense was written very well. Very good job with the topic.
03/13/09
Wow! What an adventure! I was so afraid the lion was going to get them! I'm sad for your MC who will always seem less to her father because she is just a girl, even tho she's a better person than her brother.
03/13/09
This was phenomenal...and the last two lines were amazing. Loved it!
Wonderful story--all the way through--ready to be published. Did I hear someone say "Hemingway"?
03/16/09
This definitely felt Hemingwayish - great descriptions and characterizations. Excellent.
03/16/09
I felt the struggle. It was real and still raw after many years. Her journey continued, I see that. Strong writing. Alot between the lines, food for thought.
Mona
Incredible. I liked the twist at the end. Her realization that situation with her dad would not change and her relinquishing the kill to her brother. Admirable, though tough to do.
Well done. Excellent writing.
03/17/09
I love this story. (I could just picture your mc riding along in maroon bell-bottoms and Thom McChans....so teeno-ish) Amazing descriptions and wonderful writing. My favorite: :o)
03/18/09
I love the twist at the end. Great writing all around. I thought they were gonners when the lion roared at them!
Great story! I really like your plot line, and the parellel story of what was happening physcially and emotionally for the MC.
"when I felt my determination exhaust itself." This phrase cinched it for me, that this writer knew what they were saying and I was in the hands of a master story teller!
Excellent. What a twist at the end. Good job!
Excellent writing! I like how the ending depicts the way people can try to prove themselves through works and competition until they come to a place of total surrender and grace.
03/20/09
Wow, wow, wow. This was chock full of plot, twisting my emotions and raising my blood pressure. Adventurous and fast paced. I wish I knew how to describe scenes like you do... the part about the five senses was fantastic. My only comment is a slap to my own head - I didn't catch the "Her Safari" inference and so didn't know the whole male/female dynamic until the end (and yet the tension and resentment was there and I was involved with it). My own bad. Fantastic story.