Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
323
  
Click Here For Detailed Site Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Asia (02/26/09)

TITLE: ......Hast Thou Forsaken Them?
By Connie Dixon
03/04/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Thailand was not high on my list of vacation destinations. I wasn’t against the idea; it had just never crossed my mind, that’s all. And now, Jerry’s company wanted him to go to the island of Phuket for a big training seminar; 6 days and 5 nights in a luxury hotel at the beach. The good news? He could bring his family. The bad news? The timing was terrible……Christmas. We had never spent Christmas away from our Colorado Rockies. The opportunity for a free vacation, and the possibility of extending it a few days seemed like the chance of a lifetime. But Thailand? Where is Thailand anyway?

Being geographically-challenged gave my 13-year old son Jeremy frequent occasion to make use of his treasured world globe. He was happy to point out all of the countries in Asia with all of its existing islands and surrounding oceans.

****************

The sandy-white beach at Khao Lak is amazing. I was kind of mad at Jerry for getting a hotel so far off the waterfront when he could have booked any room he wanted. He decided it would be a lot more convenient to stay at the main hotel where the conference was being held. That meant that the kids and I had to walk downhill, about 6 blocks to the beach. Jerry mentioned there was no extra charge for this healthy amenity provided by our hotel.

On this day, the day after Christmas, we got off to a late start. We were to meet Jerry at the hotel’s Viewpoint Restaurant for a late breakfast, and then head to the beach while he attended his afternoon sessions. I came down to get a table while Jeremy and Susan lingered a few minutes behind.

I was mesmerized by the view that this natural paradise offered. I began watching a large sailboat through my binoculars when I noticed a white outline on the horizon. It was bizarre…too low to be clouds and too dense to be water. It appeared to be moving closer. The vessel made an abrupt turn and headed straight for the beach. A man ran out from the kitchen and out onto the deck yelling: TSUNAMI!!!!!! But his voice was overcome by the train-like blast coming from the water. The swelling of the ocean was heightened by a mammoth wave. Suddenly the white mass appeared directly behind the sailboat and swallowed it whole.

By now, everyone in the restaurant was at the window looking and pointing, some were searching for friends and relatives that had previously set out to reserve their favorite sunbathing spot. The white wall foraged forward, hunting its prey. With hurricane force it managed to barge onto the beach and propel its way past hotels, down streets, thrusting its momentous weight forward…..its watery wings scooping up everything in sight.

People were knocked off their feet and demolished like sand castles in a high tide, they smashed into buildings, wrapped around trees……they were crushed by the vastness of the water. Most were rendered helpless to swim or to save themselves, they looked like miniature wooden dolls caught in a giant whirlpool, only these dolls had once been human beings, brothers and sisters, grandmothers and uncles, teachers and doctors. Now……. they were lifeless casualties.

Jeremy came running to the crowded spot at the window: “Mom, what’s happening, what’s going on?” I turned and put my trembling hands on his shoulders. I began a major meltdown, the tears began to form and then I realized Susan was not with him.

“WHERE’S SUSAN?????” I screamed…I panicked!

“Mom, she’s right there!” He turned and pointed to my precious daughter who was shoving her way to the front of the crowd for a firsthand look at the horrific phenomena.

I let go and pushed my way to reclaim Susan, I reached around an elderly woman and pulled her to my chest. “Oh Susan, Susan……” I took her back to where I left Jeremy and found him waiting with Jerry. I gathered them all together and cried hysterically.

At the point that I had seen Jeremy without his sister, I realized that we would have been right in the middle of that chaos had we not slept in this particular morning. Jerry held me and tried to calm me down. My breathing was shallow, my nose a snotty mess and I sobbed, “My God, my God……………why?”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 431 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joy Bach 03/05/09
This is truly a winner. One can only imagine what that was like, but you have done a terrific job. Only a gifted mind could tell this story so vividly.
Margaret Gass03/05/09
I like your realistic portrayal of the wife's disgruntledness with Jerry's hotel choice; I also liked the subtle sarcasm of calling the walk a "healthy amenity." Vivid descriptions and great attention to detail. I was expecting the water to hit the restaurant...and add to Mom's terror. The most haunting line? ....Why?
Kendra Bacus03/05/09
Another geat story that draws you in from the beginning. The fear that the mother felt was so real to me. I know that I asked the same question, why...
Sheri Gordon03/08/09
You did a great job drawing the reader in from the start--and keeping the intensity building.

Some of your sentences were quite long. The "feel" of the story might work better with shorter sentences.

Very good story-telling, and nice job with the topic.
Carol Slider 03/08/09
Very realistic! You portrayed very vividly what it would be like to be caught in that terrible disaster.
Chely Roach03/08/09
Oooo, this got quite intense! I too found the last line very moving. Well done!
Beth LaBuff 03/08/09
Wow! You succeeded in raising my heart-rate and respirations! Where you really there? If this is fiction you did a fantastic job writing this!
Catrina Bradley 03/08/09
This turned from lighthearted to deadly serious very smoothly and without a hiccup. Great descriptions of the carnage caused by the tsunami. The ending is especially moving, and I like it, but I felt it ended too abruptly (even tho I did like it.)
Laury Hubrich 03/08/09
Oh man. Wow. That's all you get. You said it all already:) Great job!
Norma-Anne Hough 03/09/09
As a mother I can truly identify with the mother's panic. Well done on a powerful story and a tragic event.
Bryan Ridenour03/09/09
Riveting. Great job!
Ruth Ann Moore03/09/09
I love your story. It reminds me of God's provision and leading, even in the little details of life.
Sonya Leigh03/09/09
This was very well done in its descriptive detail, especially in the ways the bodies were hurled about. Well done in "taking us" to that most tragic time and event.
Lyn Churchyard03/09/09
I found myself holding my breath as the story progressed.

Did this actually happen to you and your family or is it purely a work of fiction? Either way, Connie, you did a great job in the telling.
Carolyn Crook03/09/09
Awesome story! To be honest I could not tell if it was indeed a 'story' or was it real?

Not only did I enjoy it, but I learned from it as well. I am a beginner, and one question I had was how to identify time shift to the reader between past and present. Your use of asterisks showed me a way of changing the time frame. Thanks!
Karlene Jacobsen 03/09/09
This is amazing. Vivid descriptions! I was rooted til the end!
Jan Ackerson 03/10/09
Good job--as soon as I saw the destination and the date, I thought "oh, no..." You captured the horror well.

Maybe it was a little bit too "tell-y" toward the middle?

Love the ending of this story--you struck just the right note.
Joanne Sher 03/11/09
Wow - SO intense. The descriptions, especially of the tsunami's effects, were very vivid. Good stuff!
Diana Dart 03/13/09
Wow - the descriptions of her view, the destruction, the power were intense - brutal even.


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service