The Official Writing Challenge
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Fascinating story & very well told! I didn't suspect the silkworm hiding place until almost the end. How sad for Ming tho'.
03/08/09
This story is very intriguing. I'm ready to hear the rest but I know it will be sad. Excellent writing!
03/11/09
Your title hints at the sadness of this story. I loved the details and everything and I was really hoping for Ming that things would be okay, but ending is so very sad! Great job.
Oh my! You pulled me in and kept me there. Wonderfully written story.
03/11/09
What a setup for a book... a character that, at first, appears easily manipulated, but, what about the future? You developed these characters very well. Is there more to come?
03/12/09
You certainly do belong in advanced - this is a great article. Plenty of clues about the headdress and the impending guilt/disagreeable thing she was about to do, and I worked out the reason for the large headdress just before you revealed it. Great job with the mystery and tension.
Powerful and very sad story.
Well done, I hope you earn a place this week as you deserve it.
Norms
03/12/09
Congratulations. No wonder this placed first - the detail, emotion, and characterization is exquisite.
03/12/09
Congratulations! Intriguing story! Bravo!
03/12/09
Outstanding! Fabulous dramatic tension, the climax is beautifully portrayed. Congratulations on this winning effort!
03/12/09
Huge Congrats on your 1st place EC, Kellie! WOW!

This is a wonderfully creative entry! Really Great idea!

At the end I was asking .. Why did she do it? She didn't seem to love her fiancé and he didn't love her. (fiancé is for male and fiancée for female)

"she could not disappoint him – it would not be acceptable." did not seem like a strong enough reason.
It actually makes her seem weak and without much character -- willing to betray herself, her country and her family simply because ... she was asked to.
It may have been better if she was a scheming, conniving girl and totally into the plan with her husband-to-be.

Just my opinion.

Also, be careful not to give too many clues. When she anxiously adjusted her headdress at the border-- I knew -- so that was a bit of a let down.

I have a lot of nerve red inking a first place EC, don't I? LOL

Honestly,you did do a really great job and you are a terrific writer, as I have told you before. :)

Congrats again!
03/12/09
I think it's wonderful that Eliza has the confidence to offer some constructive criticism on a piece that did so well. But then we're all learners, aren't we?
I must be dense because I actually missed the foreshadowing - it's been a long day, that's my excuse. And I especially liked the fact that there wasn't much romance in the tale - made it feel somehow more realistic and less like a fairy tale.
03/12/09
Wow! What a story. This is so excellent, besides being creative. Congrats on top honors at FaithWriters!!
03/12/09
Oooooohh, I loved it. Just the right amount of hinting, I suspected, but was still compelled to read every last word. The mystery of their relationship/arrangement will eat at me - could you continue?????
03/12/09
Wow, you had me to the end. Great writing, sad story. I was disappointed in Ming, kind of left me empty. Congratulations!
03/12/09
Congratulations on your EC!
You are a gifted writer.
I could really see this in my mind's eye as I was reading. Bravo!

However. I, too, felt the story falter a bit because of the lack of details concerning her motives and circumstance.