The Official Writing Challenge
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Life the Alps...a chilling thought :) Quite creative.
03/03/09
This story had a true Heidi feel which I loved as a little girl, and still do to this day. There's something so comforting about the packing of bread, cheese, milk--basic nutrition---on a long journey.

I would add that the journey lacked a variety of peril, to keep us on the edge. For instance, it was apparent that Dalia would make it home when you referred to her in the present tense as your mare. And there was not much connecting power to the mc. Maybe dive a bit deeper into the psyche of the mc to draw us in further, to make us really yearn for his success.

All in all, though, the story did keep moving forward and was not stagnant. Keep improving upon that good writing!
I enjoyed your story. I liked the bravery of the MC; being only a child yet willingly performing a difficult task. I also liked the faithfulness of the horse, who brings the MC safely home again. I could well imagine the trudging through the snow, and the concern about whether or not they would make it home.
Very good imagery used to describe the perilous storm and the journey home. I also liked the caring relationship that the young person had for his family horse. I enjoyed the reading!