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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Europe (excluding the United Kingdom) (02/19/09)

TITLE: Confessions of a Chocoholic
By Marita Thelander


I have a confession to make. Shhhhh. Lean in close so I donít have to say it too loud. Are you listening?

Iím a chocoholic.

I know, I know. Itís horrible, but I canít help myself. I love it all: dark, milk, white, truffles, bon-bons, filled, solid. I love all things chocolate. I crave it so much that sometimes Iím unable to stop my brain from sensing it within a reasonable radius.

I hate to say it, but that isnít even the worse part. I hesitate to tell you the rest, but I hear confession is good for the soul.

Now, understand that Iím a true blue American. I love the U.S.A. The red, white, and blue, Star Spangled Banner, hot dogs, apple pies, baseball, Chevrolets, and all that, but this last month? As Ted and I traveled throughout EuropeÖ oh my goodness. One bite of European chocolate and I thought I died and went to Heaven.

Do you think in Heaven my driveway could be paved with chocolate instead of gold? I wonder if I can put my order in with the Big Guy? Should I ask for a milk or dark chocolate pavement?

Anyway, where was I? Oh, our trip through Europe. We traveled through Switzerland, Germany, France and Belgium during what I call my chocolate time of month. Ted thinks that every time of the month is my chocolate time. Iím not sure how to take that.

When I tasted my first succulent treat, I knew I found PMS paradise. Every stop we made throughout Europe, I began to assess the chocolate delicacies available to me. Unbeknownst to Ted, I secretly purchased various delights and stashed them in my suitcase. I couldnít imagine how I would go back to plain old chocolate kisses for my PMS fix back in America.

At first this seemed a harmless secret. A Swiss Lindt Chocolate Raspberry bar here, a small box of French bon-bons there. Eventually I needed a better place to hide my stash. I purchased a lovely overnight suitcase and convinced Ted we needed it for souvenirs. I know, I know, Iím bad.

Did you know that in Belgium they spread chocolate on their toast for breakfast? Iím not kidding. In Brugge, the Chocolate City, they even have a Museum that is all about chocolate. Seriously amazing stuff. I learned so much.

As we prepared to fly home, I skillfully placed all my chocolate wonderment in the bottom of the souvenir suitcase and covered it with neatly folded clothes. Let me define bottom. I shocked myself when I discovered that two-thirds of the suitcase became dedicated to my guilty pleasure. I think my toe crossed the line to the dark side and I donít mean dark chocolate. It was at this point that I could call this a sinful act.

I panicked. I reasoned with those little creatures that sat on my shoulders. You know the ones I mean, the little red-horned pitch-forked devil on the left and the white glowing angel on the right?

I should tell Ted.

No, itís too late. Donít bother him with this silly detail.

He will go through the roof when he realizes how sneaky Iíve been.

He didnít seem to notice what you spent money on. Why would he care?

With a sly grin on my face, I completed my deceitful act and secured the zipper.

I forgot all about my dirty deed until we reached customs at the airport. To my horror, the lovely new overnight bag seemed to be the one the customs officer decided to randomly search.

The moment he opened it, the scent of my sin wafted through the air. He carefully lifted the garments and exposed the mother-load of PMS pleasure. The look he gave me screamed pure evil as he fingered my stash. I donít know what came over me. I shrieked, ďDrop the chocolate and no one gets hurt!Ē

A swarm of security officers surrounded us and dogs plunged their noses in among my unmentionables and my precious chocolate. Once they decided there didnít seem to be any drugs or bombs among my belongings, they let us go.

On the plane, Ted ignored me. I rummaged through my carry-on and pulled out my emergency stash. After all, salvaging my marriage truly qualified.

I snuggled in close and whispered, ďI love you, Babe.Ē I held up my peace offering, ďIíll shareÖĒ

You know he had the nerve to take the Swiss Lindt Chocolate Raspberry bar?

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This article has been read 1150 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Benjamin Graber02/26/09
Okay, I must admit that this is absolutely hilarious - one of the funniest stories I've ever read on the challenge... :-)
My girl is a little bit of a "chocoholic", but I don't mind... I love her just the way she is!
Shirley McClay 02/26/09
Ohhhhh.... I want some chocolate now! She was much more generous with the hubby than I would be!

Some great lines... ďDrop the chocolate and no one gets hurt!Ē I've actually said something similar to my Hubby.

and I LOVE the PMS paradise... haha.

Man... I gotta go find some chocolate.
Janice Fitzpatrick02/26/09
Cute and funny! Well done! My favorite is dark European chocolate. If you ever are at a function where there is a chocolate fountain I would be the one first in line, lapping at the rich goodness like a thirsty mutt.:0) Great writing! Loved it! God bless!
Robyn Burke02/26/09
Well,I maintain that if chocolate is the answer, then the question doesn't matter. I loved this! Fun and just the right pace.
Laury Hubrich 02/26/09
This is WAY too funny. And it's all too true. Wonderful story. I'm backing away from the chocolate right now. It's okay. See me? :) Well, maybe just one candy bar:) LOL!
Joshua Janoski02/26/09
The last line of this is my favorite. So funny!

What a clever entry with a catchy title. You drew me right in with the voice of the MC.

I hope this one places high, because it's almost as good as chocolate (but not quite) :)
Diana Dart 03/02/09
Fantastic - funny, fast paced and yummy. Where can I book the "European Chocolate Tour?" Awesome, I'm still giggling.
Chely Roach03/02/09
H-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s. "...my chocolate time of month." made me snarf. A masterpiece of voice...I loved the whole shabang. One of my favorites for the week!
Norma-Anne Hough03/02/09
How i needed this tonight to make me smile. Well done it was an excellent entry. Swiss chocolate is my favourite!
Sara Harricharan 03/02/09
ROFL!!!! This deserves an entire line of exclamation marks! heehee, what a hilarious tale. I loved it from beginning to end and the last line was a cincher. I loved the "Drop the chocolate and nobody gets hurt" somedays I really feel like that. Great stuff! Kudos! ^_^
Yvonne Blake 03/02/09
ha!ha! This is hilarious! I love the line "Drop the chocolate and no one gets hurt!"

Thanks for the giggle!
Gregory Kane03/03/09
Sensational. Shame you didn't get to Britain - Cadbury's is even better!
Karlene Jacobsen03/03/09
Your title caught my attention and your story held me captive.

Absolutely hilarious! I laughed until I cried.
Kelly Jacobsen03/03/09
I Laughed OUT Loud! OH YUM! I am dreaming of chocolate now. :D

Oh it makes me want to go to Europe even more! Especially the chocolate town! hahahahahaha

I love the statement "Drop the chocolate and no one gets hurt!" hahahaha! LOL

Eliza Evans 03/03/09
So clever and F.U.N.

"chocolate wonderment" lol

Love the scene on the plane, and the last line is perfect.

Great, Great job!

Joanne Sher 03/04/09
Oh, what a MAARRVEELLOOUUSS voice! Delightfully funny and cute and rich with lines I won't soon forget. Fun.
Gerald Shuler 03/04/09
You are so incredibly funny and it translates to your entry like a Master Writer. I always enjoy your entries.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/05/09
I love your sovenirs...and your story! I'm a chocoholic, too.
Sheri Gordon03/05/09
Congratulations on your EC. This is very funny, and written very well.
Yvonne Blake 03/05/09
WOO HOO!!! I knew this would place high! You're moving on up!
Cathy Kane03/05/09
This is one of the most enjoyable stories that I have ever read on Faithwriters. This story defines the words "clever" and "funny". Being a fellow chocoholic, I could relate to the sentiment behind every word. Nicely done! Great work! A pleasure to read!
Loren T. Lowery03/05/09
So many ways truth is revealed - one of them just happening to be in the very funny expose. Great job and congratulations on your EC placement.
Corinne Smelker 03/05/09
Oh this is pure delight from beginning to end! I loved it!

In South Africa we also spread chocolate on our bread and there is a great treat here in American stores that is from Holland I believe. You can buy it from Costco - it is called Nutella. My kids and hubby love it!
Laury Hubrich 03/05/09
I am soooo very proud of you, my friend. I have a place saved for you in master's:) Come on up, baby!!!
Connie Dixon03/05/09
Oh, this is great. So funny and so telling. Hope your mc is feeling better after this "true confession." Great job, and congratulations!
Catrina Bradley 03/05/09
Good stuff Mari! (And the story's awfully good too. hee hee) Congratulations, friend.
Mona Purvis03/07/09
Your writing style is fun and refreshing. I am a true fan of light-hearted, well-written articles.
But, something concerns me with this one. For me, I cringe at the line where you call God, "The Big Guy". Maybe, its just me, but the article would have been just as good without that line. Borders on using the Lord's name in a blasphemous way.
Please, accept this as a heart-felt point made with love of your writing ability.