The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
You've captured the violence of the land well as it reaches well beyond Mumbai. They definitely need a savior.
02/22/09
You have excellent writing here. Your story gripped me and moved me along up to the end. Really well done.

If I could offer one small recommendation, it's to use similes sparingly, as in, not stringing them too closely together. Sometimes this will diminish the effect of a well placed simile elsewhere.

I look forward to reading more of your entries...

02/23/09
This reads like a scene from a movie, very cinematic, suspenseful, action-filled.
02/23/09
This piece was rivieting and filled with great descriptions.

One small note. If the men were Pakistani, they would speak Urdu, not Hindi.

I liked this unique twist on the events that happened last November in Mumbai.