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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: India (02/12/09)

TITLE: Heart Cry
By Gary J. Borgstede
02/17/09


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India! India! My heart cries for the people of India, a beautiful nation.
Reflections of my visit, grow deeper and deeper, a prayerful meditation.

The street weary face, of a little boy, searches for meaning,
A fatherless city, has left him, plenty tears streaming.

Lord! Lord! How can this be?
“Yes, My child! I can certainly see. What would you do, if you were Me?”

The hollow stare, of a young girl, forced into trade,
No other choice, has left her, abused and afraid.

Lord! Lord! What can be done?
“Yes, My child! You are the one. Will you share, the love of My Son?”

Lord! Lord! My career...don’t You know, it’s planned for the year.
“Yes, My child! If not you, then what will I do?”

Lord! Lord! My time…don’t You know, I have less than a dime.
“Yes, My child! If not this day, then when can I say?”

Lord! Lord! My life…don’t You know, there could be danger and strife.
“Yes, My child! Why contend? Don’t you know, I am with you, to the end.”

Lord! Lord! Really, why me?
“Yes My child! Your heart cries for India, I can certainly see…full of compassion, as if you were Me!”


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This article has been read 552 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/20/09
I can really feel the sincerity here!

Several of your lines have unnecessary commas that, if edited out, would improved the flow of your poem.

I like the back-and-forth structure.
Seema Bagai 02/20/09
This poem reflects a passion to help and serve others.

To me, the commas seemed distracting and halted the flow of the piece.

The emotions of the narrator could be felt in this piece.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge02/21/09
Creative way to present a heartfelt prayer.
Karlene Jacobsen 02/23/09
I like the back and forth conversation style in prayer.
Benjamin Graber02/25/09
Hi Gary!
I like the format of this poem - the heart cry from a man followed by the reply from God is a neat idea.
A couple suggestions:
First, I would suggest adding more imagery to this poem. I feel that imagery is really what brings poetry to life. For example, you could draw on the metaphor of vessals of clay, and talk about each insufficiency as a crack in the jar - and have God describing how the fragile jar is filled with treasure.
The switch in the rhyming scheme is slightly distracting. I wouldn't consider this a big deal, but when it is noticeable, it can make the reader wonder why.
I like how you showed that God can use all of our weaknesses for His glory. Excellent job!
Keep up the good work! I am certain that your friend will be blessed by this poem, and others will be encrouaged by it as well.
Let me know if you have any questions!
In Christ's love,
Ben