The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 725 times
Member Comments
I can really feel the sincerity here!

Several of your lines have unnecessary commas that, if edited out, would improved the flow of your poem.

I like the back-and-forth structure.
This poem reflects a passion to help and serve others.

To me, the commas seemed distracting and halted the flow of the piece.

The emotions of the narrator could be felt in this piece.
Creative way to present a heartfelt prayer.
I like the back and forth conversation style in prayer.
Hi Gary!
I like the format of this poem - the heart cry from a man followed by the reply from God is a neat idea.
A couple suggestions:
First, I would suggest adding more imagery to this poem. I feel that imagery is really what brings poetry to life. For example, you could draw on the metaphor of vessals of clay, and talk about each insufficiency as a crack in the jar - and have God describing how the fragile jar is filled with treasure.
The switch in the rhyming scheme is slightly distracting. I wouldn't consider this a big deal, but when it is noticeable, it can make the reader wonder why.
I like how you showed that God can use all of our weaknesses for His glory. Excellent job!
Keep up the good work! I am certain that your friend will be blessed by this poem, and others will be encrouaged by it as well.
Let me know if you have any questions!
In Christ's love,