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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Car Trip (07/18/05)

TITLE: To find yourself
By Aleksandra Illarionova
07/24/05


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The big lilac sun sat down the horizon. The green smaller one raised a half of hour ago. The grassy plain was changing its colors from purple, darkly red and brown to yellow, emerald, dark blue. Seldom they passed pass the trees which rustles their silver leaves. It was third planet of the system number 55-i-285 of Galactic Big Bull.
Capitan Svarovsky waved his hand twice then he waved twice again. It was the prearranged signal of stopping for crews of the cars.
It was the 50th year since the space ships of United Government arrived to Galactic Big Bull. The diplomatic talent of Minister of The International Relationship and the strong authority of United Government has made possible jointing Galactic Big Bull to Great Union of States. But it was so formally - before jointing planets of galactic were occupied people from other planets.
The team of young officers arrived to the system number 55-i-285 a week ago. Training was delay because their teacher was invited to the Chancellor of the third planet unexpectedly. Ten officers-beginners pined in base so far from towns and villages of a planet. However if the base wasn’t located in such deserted place they should stand in a base because in conformity Instruction number 5513-GF it wasn’t allowed to contact with local inhabitants before the training.
Today morning Capitan Svarovsky came in the dining-room and suggested to take the 300 miles car trip on the surrounding terrain. Meditations didn’t continue as the long time as packing. Group which consisted five men and six women started the trip on three cars on air pillows.
Car of Capitan was stopped. Other was stopped behind it.
Small Naomi went out the car and ran, widely having stretched hands, after her came out big Jon and helped seriously Sally. Twins Joan and Lana jumped from their car keeping for hands each other. Capitan helped to go out cautious Ann and smiled Katherine. After them went out Ruth – her white hear looked almost emerald under beams the green sun. From the third car appeared blinking their light eyes brothers Bob and Mark and the youngest member the participant of trip Garry.
Capitan and other member of the team were surprised when this boy could pass all exams and tests for sending him to the third planet of the system number 55-i-285.
The rest was planed for three hours. Ann, Ruth and Sally took something briskly. Capitan, Joan, Lana and Jon played the ball. Bob, Mark and Naomi were making the lunch.
Garry has departed to the shadow of a big tree and has lain under it. Since that moment he has arrived the planet he couldn’t get rid of vague concern. It was the very strange thing.
“It was a probably difference of time or very long day at the planet” – he thought. He had covered his eyes by hands and got asleep.
It was his dream which he has seen from his childhood. He didn’t remember his parents. He was brought to shelter for orphans when he was two years old.
In his dream he saw his father embracing his mother. The yellow deer with blur spots on its skin jumped ridiculously. On his palm the snail crept, carrying its pink peaked bowl. And the shadow of a tree was dark green. Nobody can tell him where he was from.
The sharp sound and touch have woken it him. He opened his eyes and set down. On his palm the snail crept, carrying its pink peaked bowl. The shadow of a tree was dark green.
Mark, Jon and Capitan were trying to catch the yellow deer with blur spots on its skin.


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This article has been read 594 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth Muehlhausen07/27/05
A science fiction format does automatically help the reader want to "figure things out". However, I got lost in the text...perhaps somewhat because of the lack of paragraph spacing. The dream at the end seems to be very significant; I wanted to know more about the symbolic nature of the images!
Nina Phillips07/27/05
I agree with Beth. Great story though, unique and creative.
God bless ya, littlelight
Phyllis Inniss 07/28/05
I too got lost perhaps because I'm not a science fiction person. Thanks for sharing.
Maxx .07/30/05
Ah, I recognize this author! ;-) I think your opening paragraph and closing paragraphs work well. Need a little brushing up on the English, but not bad! The middle sections introduce too many characters for such a short story. Concentrate on the dream that is being lived on that strange planet far away. THAT is the key to this piece. Keep it up! :-)
Val Clark08/06/05
Some lovely descriptive pieces at the beginning set the science fiction scene for the reader. The dream is very vivid - making me want to know more about the orphaned Garry and what was concerning him. Keep submitting.