The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
07/26/05
You really had me there in the cab and the car with your characters. I can see what you were trying to achieve with this story by the addition of your fifth passenger. I have to ask myself, what about the five year old who was asleep?
07/26/05
Good title and hard hitting beginning. Well detailed writing,and engaging characters.
07/27/05
You kept my attention all the way!In fact I felt I was holding my breath for them also! I loved the picture of them with tears in their eyes just before impact..and your detail was so realistic!
Great drama, great imagery, great dialogue. What a gripper of a story. The countdown is very effective! I knew what was coming....just a matter of "when" and what needed to happen first. Still feeling the chills down my spine.....
07/27/05
Heaven held it's breath..and I was engrossed with your story, from beginning to end. Good construction. God bless ya, littlelight
07/29/05
Very creative! Good job.
07/29/05
The last time she would see her daughter alive had passed. That really gripped me. Exciting read.
Great story- thanks
07/30/05
Nice.... great descriptions. Good use of words.
08/01/05
The juxtapositioning of the two fateful vehicle trips is awesome! My favorite word pictures: "steady cupful of rain", "fought to open a pressurized pillow of Doritos", and "the cusp of the mountain". Good job!
Wow! I really like this one. I liked knowing what was coming, but not knowing if they were ready. Great build up of suspense. Loved the fifth passenger. The child asleep was innocent -- covered in my opinion. Awesome entry. Congratulations!
08/01/05
Whew - what great character build-up and also suspense! Well done and congratulations on this well-deserved win!
08/02/05
Lisa, this ripped my heart out when I read it. Knowing what was going to happen, based on your introduction, just intensified the suspense of the story. The message was powerful. Very well done Lisa. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)