Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Car Trip (07/18/05)

TITLE: Why God Never Closes His Eyes
By Lisa McMillion


Why God Never Closes His Eyes

Exactly forty-seven minutes from the time the Bigelows would die, James Barker, log truck driver, left the check out counter of the US 119 Fast Mart to return with a family size bag of Doritos. He tossed it on top of two slim-jims, jostling an extra large coffee poured from the freshest pot. His total was $5.31.

Heading North on 119, Frank Bigelow steadied the wheel with one hand, using the other to open a book-on-cd case.

“Ugghh!” Mrs. Bigelow groaned, “I get car sick!”

And to think her name is Patience, thought Frank. “How can you get car sick? It’s not like you’re actually reading anything,” he reasoned.

“Maybe I see the words in my mind as I’m listening to them,” she began and then, “what if some children actually see words as they hear them? I wonder what this could mean in therapy?”

“Deej?” she turned to consult her five-year-old. “When Mommy says ‘cat’, what do you see?” Deandra Jane made her legs kick-swim the air in front of them to enliven her already numbing backside. “Min-nee-mouse,” she said in time with her legs. “Min-nee-mouse, Min-nee-mouse.”

“Never mind,” said Patience, turning around. She looked at Frank and could see his hands tightening around the wheel in quiet perturbation. What was it that was missing inside of them? The case of discs slipped off the seat and fell like space-flower petals at her feet.

“She wants her coloring book,” Greg observed in teenaged, angst-filled exhalation. It had begun to rain on the turn from their street toward the ski lodge three hours away. Greg wondered what it would feel like to drown in a sweater.

“No I don’t! You’re not supposed to tell her. SHHHH!!!”

Deandra’s shushing sprinkled onto Greg’s hand, fueling his mind to continue its monsoon-washed woolgathering.

Patience handed a coloring book to Deandra without turning around. The last time she would see her daughter in this life had passed. Impact: thirty–one minutes and counting.

Frank turned the wipers another notch to slap away a steady cupful of rain. He opted for radio and, turning it on, winded his way up mountains that no amount of sweat-stained grading could’ve honed. Only one signal came through. Deandra snored softly over her coloring book behind him.

A woman with a slight accent talked to an interviewer about her life in another country and a cage. It had been explained how her exact origins were uncertain, but that she, as young as seven, was kept as a slave for the purposes of daily paid visits by village men. Her first memories were, thankfully, of a pale woman, a missionary, approaching her. Upon seeing her pitiful state, she handed the slave-owner what seemed hardly enough to buy a girl -- $100. He accepted the offer.

“Don’t be ashamed of your state when God sent me to you. We are all trapped until Christ. Some people live out their lives in invisible cages. Yours was visible and so you are blessed!” From the words of the wise missionary, the young lady had wholeheartedly believed. As static caused her broadcast to wane for the Bigelows, Heaven held its breath.

They rounded the side of the mountain facing the clouded sun as her testimony boomed back inside the car. So hushed were they to hear the woman’s words, the vibrations from four tires crunching gravel became a momentary, personal irritation to each of them. “Jesus,” the woman prayed, asking listeners to do the same, “Thank you for never turning your back on me. I believe you died for me and rose again, that I might have full access to God, the Father, who never sleeps, but is always watching for His children to come home to Him. Forgive me of my sins, and show me daily the right way to live, regardless of my circumstances. Amen.”

At exactly 5:31 pm, James Barker leaned with his steering wheel at a steep corner, driving with his wrists as he fought to open a pressurized pillow of Doritos. He would later begin praying himself, asking God about the people he saw the split second before two heavy logs propelled by his braking launched from the top of his rig like missiles. Their faces seemed to be wet from inside the yet uncrushed compartment-- at peace. He swore he had also counted a fifth Bigelow inside, a man, as time stopped and began again there at the cusp of the mountain.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 789 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Val Clark07/26/05
You really had me there in the cab and the car with your characters. I can see what you were trying to achieve with this story by the addition of your fifth passenger. I have to ask myself, what about the five year old who was asleep?
Karen Deikun07/26/05
Good title and hard hitting beginning. Well detailed writing,and engaging characters.
terri tiffany07/27/05
You kept my attention all the way!In fact I felt I was holding my breath for them also! I loved the picture of them with tears in their eyes just before impact..and your detail was so realistic!
Beth Muehlhausen07/27/05
Great drama, great imagery, great dialogue. What a gripper of a story. The countdown is very effective! I knew what was coming....just a matter of "when" and what needed to happen first. Still feeling the chills down my spine.....
Nina Phillips07/27/05
Heaven held it's breath..and I was engrossed with your story, from beginning to end. Good construction. God bless ya, littlelight
Kyle Chezum07/29/05
Very creative! Good job.
Phyllis Inniss07/29/05
The last time she would see her daughter alive had passed. That really gripped me. Exciting read.
Cyndie Odya-Weis07/30/05
Great story- thanks
Maxx .07/30/05
Nice.... great descriptions. Good use of words.
Sandra Petersen 08/01/05
The juxtapositioning of the two fateful vehicle trips is awesome! My favorite word pictures: "steady cupful of rain", "fought to open a pressurized pillow of Doritos", and "the cusp of the mountain". Good job!
Debbie OConnor08/01/05
Wow! I really like this one. I liked knowing what was coming, but not knowing if they were ready. Great build up of suspense. Loved the fifth passenger. The child asleep was innocent -- covered in my opinion. Awesome entry. Congratulations!
Suzanne R08/01/05
Whew - what great character build-up and also suspense! Well done and congratulations on this well-deserved win!
Deborah Porter 08/02/05
Lisa, this ripped my heart out when I read it. Knowing what was going to happen, based on your introduction, just intensified the suspense of the story. The message was powerful. Very well done Lisa. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)