The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/30/09
I've heard of beans on toast and I'm afraid if I had to eat steak and kidney pie, beans on toast would be my choice every day! Very informative and I liked the format of the letter.
01/30/09
Beans on toast was one of the few things I never tried in England, where I was determined to only eat authentic English stuff. (We were offered steak and kidney pie, and declined.) I like how the reading of the letter stirred sweet impulses in you...um, the main character.
02/02/09
Loved the letter, and the reaction it had in your MC. Delightful piece!
I had never heard before of beans on toast, but it sounds better than kidney pie! I like how the information was presented in a "found" letter. Well done.
I love the letter. A boy not eating? Maybe I ought to try that a couple times with my 3. Perhaps lower the grocery bill.(hehe-just kidding-maybe)
This was really touching, and the way she found the letter, and the dredging of memories was quite tender and beautiful.
02/04/09
Very nice. I really like the first few paragraphs describing your MC's feelings about being at the house.

I think it would have added a bit more humanness and heart to Brad if he didn't whine the whole time and then ask for money.(wink)
Perhaps you could have included an endearing word about his new girlfriend, or an I love you Mom or I have some great places to show you and Dad when you come visit.... thanks for all your love and support...I sure do miss you guys. Or something like that. :)
As is, he seems quite self-centered and like he is not having a very good time.
So I find myself asking - "What did Sheryl ever see in this guy?";) and that disconnects me from the story.

2 cents worth of opinion. :)


What a lovely walk down memory lane, and it all seemed so authentic and real. Now I'm nostalgic, thinking of what kind of correspondence my own kin might have stored away in the "save" box.