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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Australia or New Zealand (01/15/09)

TITLE: Just Another Day
By Eliza Evans
01/22/09


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Australia

Take my hands, Australia
Write your own story for
who can make sense of you?
A world within a world
A riddle within reality


Take my eyes, Australia for
who can see through your mask of mystery?
alien animals, ancient lands, lore and legend

Take my ears, Australia
and fill them
with those sweet conversations
spoken with such charm, rhythm and rapport

Take my feet, Australia
Walk me through the silent green gardens
The fullness of ferns and forest

Let me dip my toes in the sand
of the vast desert sea
And feel the pulse and purpose of those
who love that veiled and brittle place

Take my mouth, Australia
for who dares to speak of your
underwater galaxies?
where mother nature lost her mind
in ribbons of coral
throbbing with fish
flaunting endless design and color

Take me - yes me -
to the edge of a long afternoon, Australia
just as the Sun is spilling itself into the ocean
splashing sky, sand, sea and surfer
with the red wine of fiery afterlight

And, you take my breath away! You take my breath away!

But, you know... It's just another day in

Australia


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This article has been read 785 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 01/23/09
I loved this beautiful free verse poem, so rich in imagery.

The last three lines sort of changed the mood for me, and I almost think it'd be stronger without them, and with a different title, more in keeping with the wonderful, wonderful images in the body of the poem.
Karlene Jacobsen 01/23/09
A beautiful tribute to a country so beautiful. God's creation.
Chely Roach01/25/09
I loved the lines,
"...where mother nature lost her mind
in ribbons of coral
throbbing with fish
flaunting endless design and color..."
Just beautiful. I agree that the last lines don't seem to fit...they reminded me of a tourism commercial. Otherwise, a lovely poem!
Catrina Bradley 01/25/09
Oh, wow! This poem gave me goosebumps. It reminds me of a Psalm. Very nice.
Catrina Bradley 01/25/09
Just read the other comments and wanted to add that I like the last lines. They make it clear that your witness and adoration of the awesomeness you describe so beautifully is an everyday joy. ;)
Beth LaBuff 01/25/09
Your word choices are gorgeous in this poem. This is about the most beautiful thing I've ever read, "Take me - yes me -
to the edge of a long afternoon, Australia
just as the Sun is spilling itself into the ocean
splashing sky, sand, sea and surfer
with the red wine of fiery afterlight…" Wow!

Leah Nichols 01/26/09
I really like the part about the coral too!

I agree that the tone changed at the end. How about "Just another day....in Australia" as a substitute for the last three lines? That keeps it congruent with the title.

Nicely done! You are obviously a talented writer.
Diana Dart 01/26/09
Wow! The images you created are alive - throbbing with fish, riddle within reality, underwater galaxies.... fantastic!
Kellie Henningsen01/26/09
I enjoyed this alot! I like the repetition at the beginning of each line and the amazing alliterations throughout! Very descriptive and beautiful!
Dee Yoder 01/26/09
Beautiful! (I'm on the fence about the last three lines: part of me likes them and part of me thinks the poem will be fine without them...you could do a survey if you decide to send this on somewhere--and you should. Especially to someone in Australia--they should LOVE it.)
Trina Courtenay01/26/09
Beautiful! Simply beautiful! I love your choice of words.

Write on! <>< Trina
Eliza Evans 01/26/09
I am truly humbled by the comments. Thank you so much.

I would like to say, while I can absolutely agree that the last 3 lines are maybe not the best, :) I don't agree that it would be fine to just leave them off.

I think the poem would feel abrupt and unfinished.

If I read it like that, I can see myself looking on the other side of the page, or scrolling down for the "rest" of it. ;)

It (and any poem) needs an ending, a conclusion of some kind... in my opinion.
Thank you again ((((everybody!)))) :)
Verna Cole Mitchell 01/27/09
Outstanding free verse. I loved it.
Teresa Lee Rainey01/28/09
This is beautiful.
Eliza Evans 05/27/09
I have a confession to make. I sent this poem to a published poet and poetry teacher friend of mine and she said pretty much everything Jan said ..

Get a better title .. lose the last 3 lines etc.

:D
Karlene Jacobsen 05/27/09
Thanks for posting this in the favorites thread. I just read it again and love it more. The imagery is so vivid. Your hard work paid off.