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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Australia or New Zealand (01/15/09)

TITLE: Crikey!
By Joshua Janoski
01/21/09


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Warning: The following program has been filmed by trained professionals. Do not attempt to try any of these stunts in your own Outback.

And now it’s time for another episode of “Crocodile Chris” right here on the Adventure Channel…

“Hey mates! Welcome to my show. I’m Chris Crock, and today I am going to take you on a dangerous journey where we are going to meet some of Australia’s most fearsome and deadly creatures. We are going to observe them in their natural habitats, quietly approach them, and then grab them and wrestle around with them in the dirt! It will be loads of fun! Come on, let’s go!”

The Saltwater Crocodile…

“Crikey! Lookie over there! Isn’t she a beaut? It’s a saltwater croc! These creatures are the world’s largest reptile. They can grow to be up to 7 meters long and can weigh up to 2,500 pounds! They inhabit the northern parts of Australia and are often referred to as ’Salties’ by the locals. They are very dangerous creatures, so we must be careful not to upset them. That’s why I am going to quietly sneak up on this one, jump on it, and then…wrestle…its mouth shut…and wrap...duct tape…around it! Whew! There we go! That was a close call. Luckily I only lost a pinkie finger on that one. That will be a nice snack for her since Saltwater Crocodiles love meat. Let’s go find another creature to pounce on!”

The Tiger Snake…

“Crikey! See that snake over there? Isn’t she a beaut? Australia is known for its fair share of deadly snakes. In fact, Australia possesses six of the top ten deadliest snakes in the world, and this here Tiger Snake is on that list. I want to be careful not to agitate the creature, so that is why I am going to run up to it real fast like this and quickly snatch it up and swing it round in the air like a cowboy with a rope at a rodeo!”

“Ouch! The feisty little bugger bit me! It’s ok though. There is an anti-venom available. Some folks die within 30 minutes of being bit, but usually it takes 6-24 hours before the paralysis sets in, so I should be good to go for a while longer! On to the next creature!”

The Great White Shark…

“Crikey! You may be wondering why I’m in this wet suit. Well looky over there! Isn’t she a beaut? That giant mouth peeking out of the ocean is a Great White Shark, the world’s largest predatory fish! I want to take a closer look, so I’m going to dive in. It is very important that I do not disturb the creature, which is why I am going to quietly swim up behind it before grabbing hold of the fin on top of its back. Wish me luck!...”

“Whoa! That was a close one. She took a chunk of flesh out of my leg, but it isn’t anything that a few hundred stitches won’t fix. I’ll just tie a rag around the wound to cauterize the bleeding and we’ll move on to our final creature. Follow me!”

The Koala Bear…

“Crikey! Look up in that tree there. See that? Isn’t she a beaut? That is a Koala Bear. Now you may be thinking that this here Koala is harmless, but the truth is that Koalas have very sharp claws that they use for climbing and will attack if they feel threatened. I, of course, don’t want to intimidate or scare the creature, so that is why I am going to climb this here tree and carefully offer it one of its favorite foods – Eucalyptus leaves. Be back down in a few!”

Thud!

“Well now, I wasn’t expecting that! That koala swiped me in the face and knocked me out of the tree! As you can see by looking at the deep gashes across my face, the Koala is no creature to mess with! It is always important to take the proper precautions whenever you…”

“Crikey! I’m feeling a bit woozy! Perhaps it is time to go apply that anti-venom. I hope you enjoyed our adventure as we sought out Australia’s most dangerous creatures. Be sure to join me next time when I will be boxing a Kangaroo and taming a Box Jellyfish!”


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This article has been read 885 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Charla Diehl 01/22/09
This was fun, entertaining and I loved the way you poked fun at the MC. Great job.
Karlene Jacobsen 01/23/09
LOL...I loved this. Very informative.
Jan Ackerson 01/25/09
Great satire here--almost like a Saturday Night Live sketch.
Chely Roach01/25/09
Ahhh, this was a Beaut! Tee hee...loads of fun!
Leah Nichols 01/25/09
Josh, you are the master of humor for sure! Well done! Far-fetched and over-the-top tongue-in-cheek, but well done! :)
Joy Faire Stewart01/25/09
Wow, what a character! This was so entertaining. Loved it!
Catrina Bradley 01/25/09
I am seriously laughing out loud! Hilarious satire. You are on top of your game this week.
Beth LaBuff 01/25/09
Love your title! :) I could "hear" the accent of Chris Crock. (He has a great name, by the way.) "…lost a pinkie" LOL His cavalier attitude toward his injuries is perfect for your character. Can't wait for the next episode!
Betty Castleberry01/25/09
What time does "Crocodile Chris" come on in the states?
This was loads of fun. Thanks for sharing your hero.
Diana Dart 01/26/09
This one's a beaut! And I actually learned some fun stuff - great job.
Verna Cole Mitchell 01/27/09
Awesome irony here! I loved your feisty character. Hope it's a winner.
Lyn Churchyard01/28/09
Laughing out loud here Josh! This was too too funny. Regardless of the name of your MC, I could hear our dear Steve Irwin. You had the character down perfectly. Loved it.

The only negative thing I could say is that a Koala isn't a bear, it's actually a marsupial. But even Aussies call it a Koala bear, so it don't really much matter do it :- )
Yvonne Blake 01/28/09
Ha, ha, ha!!! Hillarious! I like your format, very creative!
LauraLee Shaw01/28/09
This is great, Josh. Extremely entertaining! :D
Loren T. Lowery01/28/09
Certainly, you at your best. You simply shine in humor! Great job, Josh.
Bryan Ridenour01/28/09
Very humorous. Thanks for sharing!
Joanne Sher 01/28/09
What a RIOT, Josh. I KNOW you had a blast doing this. You are definitely at your best when you do pieces like this! Awesome!
mick dawson01/28/09
Loved it; twisted as usual. At last, a Yank that realizes what a retard Irwin was.
Sonya Leigh01/28/09
So much fun...what a truly entertaining piece. It's good to be back after the break to read stuff like this!
Karlene Jacobsen 01/28/09
Josh, I should've known this was yours. It's great! I absolutely love the spin-off of Steve Irwin.

I'm glad you're back in the saddle.
Catrina Bradley 01/29/09
CONGRATULATIONS on your EC, Josh!!!!!
Glynis Becker 01/29/09
Fantastic piece, Josh! Bask in the moment, my friend...didn't I tell you that you were next? :)
Laury Hubrich 01/29/09
Crikey! Glad you lived to write this:) Good job, Josh and congratulations!!!! Woohoo!
Sharlyn Guthrie01/29/09
This was loads of fun to read. Congratulations!
Myrna Noyes01/29/09
I love to laugh like that! :D Your piece is good for the soul with its clever humor, daredevil MC, and all-around great writing!! WONDERFUL JOB with the topic!
Lollie Hofer 01/29/09
What a hoot! Reading your story brightened my day. I'll be chuckling for hours.
Beth LaBuff 01/29/09
Crikey Josh!!! You did it! Super congrats on your EC and level placing with this!!
c clemons01/30/09
I'll have to send you a private message about this one.
Connie Dixon01/31/09
Congratulations, Josh. Love your humor, it seems so natural.