The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 694 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I enjoyed peeking into this one life being "set up" by God.
01/25/09
Oh boy, how sweet. I really didn't see that ending coming for some reason. Good writing.
01/27/09
"in fiction you don't want to remind the reader he's reading"

Oooo! I like that! ;)

It's a simple story and I think you did a good job with it. I like the Aussie details especially about the church and her relatives.

I'm Canadian and I know what lemonade is but not lemon soda!

I confess that I didn't really like Dominick as a person. He was a total pushover with his peers and pretty thoughtless when it came to Matty. Even in the end when he says "awesome" it's just because she has famous relatives. It makes him look pretty shallow.

So one of my critique's would be to work a little on character development.
We need to like the characters or at least sympathize with them / connect with them in some way. :)


I think the ending could have been a little smoother, a little less abrupt. Maybe something like....
Matty was still teased for being different after that, but I stood by her. We became really good friends and / or ......... whatever. :)

I think you are doing a great job. :)
01/27/09
Great dialogue! Sometimes it's a hard toss between making a character likable vs believable, and with kids, I lean to the latter. Well done...
01/27/09
Character development was not the right word .. More like character growth.

Since they ended up getting married Dominick has to 1) show at least some redeeming qualities throughout or 2) there has to be some indication that he changes .. in order to make a connection with the reader. At least this reader.:) Just my opinion! :)

And I meant to put a wink beside my lemon soda remark. :) Fun!

Keep writing!! I look forward to reading more from you. :)
I enjoyed this story. I felt the numbers next to the words were distracting, but the story was cute. Hillsong has created many great worship songs.