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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Car Trip (07/18/05)

TITLE: Don't Go
By dub W


I hate driving in the fog. The mountains are tough enough at night and in the fog they are nearly impossible. Darned radio, I tried to change the radio station but the music is undistinguishable and full of static.

“Margaret, you need to help me keep an eye on the road.”

“Oh, Charles, don’t worry, we will get there flying through the air.”

“We’re in the air, alright, the car isn’t even touching the ground.” I looked out the window. “I think we’ve stopped.”

“They didn’t plant trees in the road did they?” I felt her hand on my arm. “Ooofh,” Margaret poked me in the ribs.

“No, but so many trees.”

I looked down at Margaret, and she reached a hand up. “Can you help me out?”

“Are you in a hole? Do you want me to pray for you?”

“Of course, but if we can’t fly through all the trees. Why don’t you go to the gas station and ask what time the plane leaves.” She is right, always right.

“There’s one up ahead. We may have to walk the car won’t go. Why are all these people standing along the road anyway?”

“I think they are lost.” Margaret was concerned. “I can help them; they might listen to me but not here.”

“Should we pick them up?” It seemed to me the right thing to do. I stepped out of the car, but the car began to move. I finally caught up with the vehicle and leaned in.

From the backseat a small voice called, “daddy, are we going home?”

“No honey,” her mother looked over the seat. “Daddy is taking us on a trip.”

I knew Monique would not understand, “Monique, we are going to fly a long way away, and live in another place.”

“I’m getting off here,” Margaret opened the door.

She shouldn’t have worn that sun dress in the mountains, it’s too cold.

“Why daddy?” the voice from the backseat cried out again.

“You ask so many questions. Monique don’t go down there, daddy won’t be able to find you.”

“Isn’t mommy coming?” I could hear Monique’s voice but she kept hiding from me.

“No, she is helping people into the car.” I tried to see through the rear view mirror.

The fog was getting heavier, “I hope she hurries, we won’t get there.” I tried to watch Margaret working with the strangers in the road, but there were trees everywhere and the fog destroyed my vision. “I need to call somebody about this road.”

“Can I go too daddy? Mommy is leaving by herself, I want to go.”

“Monique, don’t get under there, it is too hard to find you when you hide, besides I think she left us here alone.”

“Oh, daddy, you are so silly. Peek-a- boo. You won't find me this time.”

“Monique it’s bad enough you go off everywhere, and I have to look for you, but now I can’t find your mother.”

“Mommy…” I could barely hear her voice.

I tried to stand up straight. “Margaret, are you done bothering those people? Don’t trust them all. We can’t stay here, Monique is hiding.” The radio was spitting gibberish. “Margaret! Margaret! Why aren’t you here? Our trip is not over. Monique, I can’t see your mother. Margaret! Margaret! Margaret, don’t leave, Margaret!” Something squeezed my arm.


I coughed and blinked my eyes and tried to focus my thoughts. Shapes of items in the room appeared and registered in my brain.

“Mr. Garris, wake up,” a strange woman was shaking me.

Bright sunlight carved a path at my feet. I was slowly aware of my surroundings. My mind finally cleared, and I began recognize the features of my guest. “Oh, Sheri, I am sorry, I fell asleep.” I felt a bit embarrassed, as it was my job to keep us safe.

She pointed toward the window, “There’s a man outside the chalet!”

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This article has been read 1113 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karen Deikun07/25/05
You have cleverly tried to trick us by not using your usual title. However, Nonique is such an unusual name that it was obvious we are still following "A Crepe Heart" #7
Helga Doermer07/25/05
I was awash in a world of unreality and wondered why nothing made sense. What a relief to discover that I was reading a dream.
Beth Muehlhausen07/26/05
No wonder the dream-like quality seemed strange! Very effective. ;-)
Nina Phillips07/27/05
I caught on pretty quickly Monseir. Monique was a giva-a-way. Very good way to get the car trip in. I'm fascinated. God bless ya, littlelight
Brandi Roberts07/28/05
I thought this was VERY appropriate for the continuing drama that unfolds for Crepe Heart. Thank you for sharing!
Dixie Phillips07/29/05
Encore please!
Maxx .07/30/05
Effective dose of confusion... got the ol heart pumping a bit waiting for the disaster to figure itself out.
Linda Watson Owen07/30/05
What a realistic capturing of the unreal dreamworld!--and very clever!
Amy Michelle Wiley 08/01/05
Wonderful job at capturing the confusion and jumbles of a dream!
Suzanne R08/01/05
Wow ... I was a tad lost there for a bit, but then I realized about the dream (SO realistic) and also that we're being given some significant information about the past which will help us understand the present. Well done!
Shari Armstrong 08/02/05
I was a bit lost until I realized it was a dream -but I guess that was the intent :) Enjoyable as always!
Val Clark08/02/05
Mmmm and other appropriately yummy noises. Leaves me asking lots of questions about what happened to Charles' wife and daughter in your character's 'real life'.