The Official Writing Challenge
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This is heartrending, but also tender and very well written.
I want to hug her dad! Very,very emotionally written with a nice build-up to the end. I liked the dialogue, it had so much to do with the whole story feeling.
11/30/08
There's so much emotion packed into this brief story. Death is such an inevitable part of life, but too much for a 16 year-old and her single daddy. Heartbreaking.
12/01/08
Life has it's sorrows but the depth of that sorrow is in how far we can see beyond death. This was tenderly sad yet well done. Good job.
12/01/08
Wow! This is beautifully told. You did a superb job of capturing the highlights of her life, weaving them into the pain of the moment, and then eclipsing everything with the wonderful home coming. The image of the 2 fathers each holding her hands was breathtaking.
12/01/08
Love your second-to-last paragraph--what a marvelous image!

I'm always a bit stymied by deathbed or beyond-death stories--how and when did your narrator write this? But that's just the right-brained person coming out in me.

Gorgeous writing, as always!
You handled this so tenderly. I actually felt such peace in this emotional moment between your characters.
Very touching story. I love the relationship between father and daughter. Kudos.
12/04/08
This well deserved first place, very well written. I had to fight back the tears to be able to read, and now to write.
12/04/08
Beautiful, heart-rending piece. Well-deserved congratulations!!
12/04/08
I wrote (and didn't enter) a story very much like yours. I'm glad now that I decided not to enter mine. You handled the subject so much more tenderly. Congratulations.
When you mentioned she would soon see her mother, my heart hurt for the father...losing the two women he loved in three years. Congratulations.
12/04/08
I love the ending! Congrats, Debbie!
12/05/08
This is a real tear-jerker, and well deserves a FIRST. Emotions run all through it. You wove the story so well, leaving the reader eager to know how it would turn out. "Was Mother away? Was she coming back?" NO. You were going to her. And I love the ending where you were passed from one father to the other...So VERY well told...I enjoyed the story all the way through...Helen