The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 799 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
11/27/08
Wow....very poignant piece. I felt drawn to her character from the first few sentences. Well done!
12/01/08
Wow - good "grabber" and well done character. I could feel her angst and she ended up in the right home after all that.
12/01/08
So, so sad for this girl... you captured her emotions very well. Got a little lost between the descriptions of her college holidays to her being (back) at the burgundy door. I did pick up on it, but had to re-read a little. Maybe repeating her question as she slumped on the steps again??? Then again, maybe it was just me getting lost - known to happen. Great piece, so emotional.
12/01/08
I love the repetition here--very effective!

I only got lost a bit in the last two paragraphs, trying to figure out who was offering her the invitation. A bit of clarification there and this piece is golden!

I really, really enjoyed this piece--it's quite "writerly".
12/01/08
Whoops, I just re-read. That last bit is perfectly clear--a distraction had caused me to skip a par. or two.

So I take it back. Wonderful story, beginning to end!
This is such a good story! For some reason, I had to go back to catch who Thomas was too???? After re-reading, it is clear that Thomas was a married man - don't know why I missed it.

Really, Really felt for your MC and was captured by your story from the beginning. :)
12/02/08
Some good content, some areas are a little rough, hence the reread that everyone has to do to follow your flow. Perhaps a new title or leave off the question mark. The ending jumped from present to future in the same sentence. Keep writing.
I like the repetition you used in this piece. You made me feel sympathy for your MC. Nicely done.
12/03/08
Loved the story. I felt there was a lot of depth in the mc, and enjoyed the way you brought her out of herself. Good job!
12/03/08
I didn't have trouble following the story, maybe because I saw your request and was reading carefully. I think this is masterful writing. The "personal" scenes were full of emotion. My only ink would be that the switch in voice during the timeline section threw me a bit... But not necessarily in a bad way, because it's brilliantly written. :) Loved Julie's story, and the ending was perfect.
12/05/08
Masterfully written, Angel. No wonder this did well, dear. I was absolutely captivated throughout. Excellent, excellent characterization. Wow.