The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/28/08
Deeply moving. I was immediately engaged in this tale and almost held my breath through to the end. Superb writing, so many little details make the scene come to life. Excellent entry.
Your precise word choices create a compelling atmosphere for this brooding tale.
Wow! Desrciption and word choice extroidanaire. Wonderfully inventive story for the topic.
11/29/08
Your story has so many layers—each reading reveals a new depth. My favorite is that this erstwhile romance portends the noncommittal epidemic of our day. A beautifully done, “out of the box” entry.
11/30/08
Kind of a gothic Christmas tale, with superb wordsmanship. As creative as they get! I really admire this writing.
12/01/08
Absolutely superbly chilling tale! Such evocative language. Brilliant.
Perhaps because I knew who was writing I did think it was a woman talking till the word 'boyhood' showed I was wrong. Then I had to remind myself 'I' was a man, which in this story was highly significant! Otherwise a fantastic entry.
I didn't want it to be too late, but what a fitting ending. This is chilling - wonderful writing. :)
Your writing gets better all the time. This is a masterpiece.
Oooh. This is haunting and absolutely wonderfully written.
12/02/08
Wonderful! Very moody and somehow unsettling story throughout, like the reader is waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that ending is something else!
12/02/08
Wow. Nicely done! I had to read it twice to take it in. :)

You said you wanted red ink....I'm not sure if the "yet" fits in the first paragraph....I stumbled a bit over that sentence.

Thanks also for your encouragement on my entry. :)

Excellent writing as usual!
I was reminded of the Bronte's as I read this. The only red ink I might offer is a few of the sentences are really long, especially in the first paragraph. I'd like to see some of those phrases broken up into shorter sentences. Still, this is beautiful, classic writing, and deserves much praise. Very well done.
12/02/08
I saw your request for red ink, so came back and read this another three times. I can't tell you how much I like this story!

My only red ink: I was sure this was a lover who didn't come back, but then I got tripped up by the Peter Pan reference. I started wondering if it was a son and mother. The ending got me back on track. It did add to the mystery element of the story, tho! :)
Excellently written. Haunting...

:)
12/04/08
What can I possibly add to what has already been said? I hope someday my writing is this good.
Congratulations Lisa! Such rich detail, so descriptive and mysterious. I too assumed it was a woman, nice twist...well done.
12/04/08
Wow, amazing story/writing! Congrats Lisa!
This is still a masterpiece. I'm so glad it was in EC! Thanks for your kind words on my poems. I've enjoyed watching your creativity flourish.
05/20/09
Magnificent writing of strong emotions. I could feel myself longing for the reconciliation. I think what made the storytelling so good was the POV. An observer? No, much more and that made the piece.
Mona
04/04/10
I do like the way this modern parable has many levels to it and that you hold back the 'real' story until the very end. The pity your POV character has for the one locked out is a special touch, one easy to forget. (the judgement has occured but the love never changes.) Very reminiscent of George McDonald.I would have left off the 'wailing and gnashing of teeth'. I found it was a little heavy handed - like, just in case you don't get it the first time, dear reader ...