Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Christmas Cards (11/06/08)

TITLE: Everyone deserves something for Christmas
By T. F. Chezum
11/12/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Shelton clutched the satchel to his chest as he walked the dismal midtown streets, the permeating stench of rancid garbage stifling his senses. Puffs of steam and smoke from the nearby factories cast somber shadows in the morning sunlight. The anxious man paused at the sight of a silhouetted figure slumped on a bench. He squinted, stepping closer with caution. “Excuse me.”

The beleaguered man turned his head.

Shelton fumbled with the bag. “Umm…” He pulled out a small, square envelope and extended it toward the stranger. “Mer-Mer-Merry Christmas.” His nervous hands trembled to the rhythm of his stammering voice.

“Huh?” The puzzled drifter grabbed the tiny packet. He shook the tattered gloves off his unwashed hands and slid a card from the envelope. Confusion sparkled in his eyes when he saw a nativity scene embossed on the gold-leafed finish.

Shelton smiled. “Everyone deserves something for Christmas. We’re serving dinner at the mission tonight…if you’re interested.”

The old man scratched his unkempt beard. “Thank you.”

A grin spread across Shelton’s face as he continued down the backstreet. “That wasn’t so bad,” he assured himself. “I can handle this.” He hesitated at the entry to an alleyway. He stared at another vagrant sitting near a dumpster, bundled against the elements. He groomed his mustache with his fingers, then proceeded into the alley, and the overwhelming odor of urine and alcohol. “Excuse me.” He pulled out another card. “We’re serving…”

“What are you saying?” The hobo’s gruff voice echoed between the buildings. He pulled a threadbare knit cap up from his face.

Shelton stared in shock. “Mr. Graves?”


*******


“Wa’sup, Shell?” Patrick ambled down the corridor.

Shelton leaned against the lockers shaking his head. “Graves gave me a D… I can’t believe it… Less than one point away.” He pounded his fist against a metal door. “I’ll be off the team.”

“Go talk to him.” Patrick gestured toward the classroom. “Before he leaves.”

Shelton dashed down the hall. “Mr. Graves.”

The instructor turned the key in the lock. “How can I help you?”

“I need to ask you about my grade.” The boy held a score sheet out.

“And you are?” The elderly man’s stern voice resonated about the walkway.

“Shelton… In your sixth period class.”

“Oh… I see.” Mr. Graves glanced at the paper. “My grade system is self explanatory. Sixty-one to seventy earns a D… Seventy-one to eighty is a C. Your grade is what you earned.”

“But I got seventy point nine…” Shelton wiggled the document. “It’s one tenth of a point.”

“Very good.” The teacher pushed the boy’s arm away. “If you had used skills like that on the final, perhaps you would have earned a C.”

“You don’t understand… I’ll be kicked off the team.”

“We are all eventually victims of our own actions.” He turned and walked toward the parking lot. “The grade stands as is.”

Shelton stood in silent disbelief.

“I’m sorry, dude.” Patrick put his hand on his friends shoulder.

“Stupid old man.” Shelton mumbled.

Mr. Graves disappeared around the corner.

“I hate him.” Shelton crumbled the paper and threw it to the ground.

“Let’s get out of here, man.” Patrick picked up the wadded sheet.

“You here me? I hate you,” Shelton hollered. Anger surged through his narrowing eyes, his hands clenching to fists. “I hope someone reams you like this and you feel just as miserable … for you’re whole life… You here me?” His huffing barks turned to silent sobs.


*******


“Do I know you?” Mr. Graves rose to his feet.

Shelton shifted his weight back and forth with uneasiness. “You were my math teacher… In high school… Years ago.”

The elderly man eyed the well-groomed stranger. “Hmmph… I don’t remember you.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Shelton shook his head. “What happened?”

The homeless man glared at his questioner. “You don’t care… not about me.” He grabbed a raggedy duffel bag. “Why are you here?”

“Everyone deserves something for Christmas.” Shelton held the card out to the disheveled man. He heaved a labored sigh, blotting a hint of a tear from his eyes.

Mr. Graves pushed the card aside and walked away.

“We’re serving dinner tonight.” The middle-aged man’s voice faded. “At the mission.” He flicked his foot at a small pile of debris.

Mr. Graves paused.

Shelton trotted down the alley behind him. “I’d like you to be there.” He slid the card into his former teacher’s hand. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Graves.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 578 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Allison Egley 11/14/08
Oh, this was really, really good. I can't even begin to imagine all the thoughts going through Shelton's head.
Joanne Sher 11/16/08
This sent chills down my spine. I can't even imagine what Shelton was thinking. Great job showing Shelton's unease with what he was doing, and his softening heart.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge11/16/08
Wonderful story of forgiveness...the real reason for Christmas...worked into the topic. Well done.
Carole Robishaw 11/17/08
This was really good, I can't imagine what my thoughts would be if I saw an empty threat I had made come to be.

I did find one small error, a wrong word, I think you probably meant "You hear me?" in the following line.

You here me?” His huffing barks turned to silent sobs.
Celeste Ammirata11/18/08
This is very good. I like how he had sympathy for the man who once made his life miserable. Great characterization! This story is true to life. God Bless.
Betty Castleberry11/18/08
Both creative and poignant. I enjoyed this well written story.
Marlene Austin11/19/08
Touching story. Excellent job. :)
Dee Yoder 11/19/08
Very poignant and touching story. That teacher sure predicted his own slide to perdition, didn't he?
Catrina Bradley 11/19/08
Great story idea, love the descriptions, good word choices. "Here" should be "hear" is the only red ink I can find. Love this entry!
Loren T. Lowery11/19/08
Very poignant with a touch of irony. Earlier, the math teacher could have used a class in leniency and empathy. It is a good thing that things don't always add up the way it seems they should. I really enjoy your writing style.
Marijo Phelps11/19/08
This was SO good in reflecting a forgiveness Christmas gift! Thank you!
Verna Cole Mitchell 11/19/08
An excellent story to show what God can do with a willing heart.
Leah Nichols 11/20/08
Very poignant piece. I liked it. :)
LauraLee Shaw11/20/08
Despite the misspelling of "here," (which I do all the time by the way), this paragraph literally gave me goosebumps:

“You here me? I hate you,” Shelton hollered. Anger surged through his narrowing eyes, his hands clenching to fists. “I hope someone reams you like this and you feel just as miserable … for you’re whole life… You here me?” His huffing barks turned to silent sobs.

I could picture this scene so vividly, which made your ending that much more touching. Love that message.